


Recounted

by zeeazn5525



Series: Recount [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: (Like if I knew how they worked as people), Allusions to abuse, F/F, F/M, Friend-inspired Characters, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Minor Descriptions of Gore, Swearing, Zombie Apocalypse, although they have taken on their own personalities, since it would be kinda creepy otherwise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-05 02:43:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3102596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeeazn5525/pseuds/zeeazn5525
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking off immediately after the events of Recounting, the gang find out how a zombie apocalypse has a lot more to do with people than they do zombies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tell Me If I'm Still Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Posted here as more of an archive, recommended for reading only if really eager to get more plot.
> 
> Otherwise, I will have an edited version up (hopefully) soon and continue on with the plot on that version.

October 4th. It was a horrid day like any other post-apocalyptic day. Surprisingly, birds were chirping while the wind blew lightly through the tree branches in the late autumn afternoon. As a summer baby, the weather rendered me cold and bewildered. The unwelcoming darkness retreated as I opened my eyes, unsure of my surroundings. The birds continued to chirp, as if to tell me my slumber was over. The sky was bright, tinted with purple clouds and pink horizons. The pale green leaves melted into yellows, oranges and reds, and I laid amongst them, staring up. There was a phantom pain in my gut as I attempted to sit up.  _Fuck. What did I do to myself? More importantly...Where am I?_

Looking down, my hands were clutched around my abdomen. Pulling them away revealed a hole the size of a pinball, my palms purple and stained with blood.  _Why..._ Looking up, I realized there were no birds in the trees. Was I hallucinating? As if on cue, the chirping began again. I felt my ears twitch in a faraway direction, much like that of a wild animal. I heard birds in the distance, as well as the sound of heavy footsteps and laboured breathing that rapidly decreased in strength as they moved away from me. Then the footsteps stopped. "Fuck. FUCK!" a voiced screamed alongside a smattering of incoherent curses.  _I know those voices...Iago? Bonehead? What are they yelling about?_  

I rose to investigate, still limping from my leg wound, though it hurt surprisingly less than I remembered. As I walked towards them, they gradually grew silent. Bonehead was bent in half, cursing between breaths as his arms hung loosely towards the ground. Iago was crouched with his head in his hands, his violent swears calming to whimpers as he held in his sobs. I walked towards him, reaching out pre-emptively with the hope of comforting him. "Hey, what's wrong?" I inquired as I stepped towards them.

"ARE YOU CRAZY? DON'T-" There was a gunshot and a clear scream of pain. I whipped my head towards the source of the unfamiliar voice. The sight that greeted me was a man - no, zombie - who fell to the ground in silence.  _Help. Help me please._ The distorted groans of the first zombie I had ever killed suddenly became clear to me, a brand new guilt washing over me as I heard the juicy crunch of my foot against his head for the umpteenth time in my memory.  _I treated it like such a joke. I wish I never did._

However, when I turned to look back at Iago, he stood there with a gun pointed shakily at me. "I don't want to kill you, Elisa. Just stay away from me. Please," he said, voice wavering, pleading.  _Why is he..did that zombie just speak?_ Suddenly my memory flooded with recent events. Joking. Pain.. Fear... Static.... Am I... _dead?_  I looked down at my hands again. The purple skin was slowly falling away to a sickly green as the bones of my fingers became more and more apparent. The bandage around my leg was slowly peeling off, the wound splitting and spilling around it. I heard footsteps coming behind me, and when I turned around to look for the source of the sound, Iago and Bonehead had disappeared. 

"Wait! Wai...t," I tried shouting, but the words fell flat.  _He let me go_. I turned back around to continue searching for the source of the footsteps and came face to face with a floating man. I stumbled back while exclaiming "Holy fuck!" 

He didn't react to my actions. I heard him mumbling under his breath "I hope you're fucking grateful I saved your ass. How stupid can you get? Trying to talk to people, hah. As if they would do anything remotely merciful. What if..." he rambled on as if I wasn't listening. 

"Okay okay, I got it. Thanks for saving me back there," I replied, but it only seemed to make him angrier.

"Don't stand there and groan at me! I just told you not to talk! That's the key to survival! Fucking idiot," he spat in my face as he floated away angrily. With the man gone, I could hear the retreating footsteps of my best friends, and decided to follow their trail of sound, hoping to watch them from afar, just in case. 

 

* * *

 

 

I watched the two intently over weeks as they trudged on towards Alaska. Honestly, we should have already arrived in Alaska at this point, but the boys were slowed by the burden of death. They hardly exchanged words during the entire trip, letting the death of their dear friends - and lover - eat away at them. I watched helplessly from the sidelines as their carefully constructed facades fell away to the weaknesses I've rarely witnessed in their eyes. Iago had lost his cocky attitude, dejection sitting heavy on his shoulders. Bone Saw inched closer to Iago as he walked, so subtly that if you didn't know to look for it, you wouldn't even notice.  _"Truth be told, I really dislike being left alone. But I've learned to exile those emotions, now I enjoy being alone!"_ He once told me with a forced smile.  _You idiot. It's okay to have feelings you dumbass._

Following them became harder as I felt the speed of my movements slowly deteriorating. The only compensation for my lack of speed was my now hyper-sensitive ears. It's strange, being able to hear so clearly. It was as if I went through life wearing earmuffs, and they were finally removed as I turned into what I feared. It was the only thing that kept me from losing track of my friends as they leisurely strolled through sunny meadows and rainy forests. 

Zoe also appeared from time to time. I guess she's an angel now. She is slightly translucent, but she looks just as beautiful as I remember, if not even more. If she didn't float around, I would never have guessed she wasn't a human.  _Strange how we think angels are the ones in white gowns, halos and wings. Sometimes they're just good people._ Most of the time she chose to float above Iago and watched him with a sad smile. She would whisper soft encouragements and affirmations of love. The first time I saw her drifting by, I said hi, and that I was sorry. She didn't seem to hear my words. She only stopped for a brief second to look down at me in disgust and point in a direction away from the boys. I complied and left the scene, plopping down next to a tree.  _She probably hates me. I completely deserved that... but does she not recognize me?_

I looked down at my hands again, and it was evident that I was slowly falling apart. My skin was almost a fluid sack around my bones, the wound in my leg now a giant gash splitting my right leg into two territories of rotten flesh. The gun wound in my lower abdomen now stretched as big as a ping pong ball, providing a small home for the flies and maggots that feasted on my insides. I could barely feel anything, so the gnawing of insects became disregardable, but I still flicked them away when I saw them - I wanted to follow my friends for as long as possible.

Being a zombie sucks, I'm not going to lie. As fragile as my rotting corpse looks, every movement feels normal, almost human. But daily, I watch my body slowly fall apart as moving becomes more and more sluggish - as if aging by the decades. The absence of a pulse is evident as I close my eyes to focus on the sounds of my surroundings - when I choose to close them. I sometimes forget and a film gathers around my eye, frequently punctured by the legs of oblivious insects. I can see and hear my breaths, but my chest does not rise, nor does it fall in the slightest. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if someone were to choke me - was I still susceptible to suffocation when my lungs no longer pumped air? Rather, when breathing is more of a ceremonial habit than an actual need? When I step on the broken glass shards of a distant civilization, I can't feel them beneath my feet. The sharp jabs feel like the tickle of a caterpillar. When I press my palm against tree bark, I cannot discern the cracks that flow down the towering giants, wrinkles of the forest guardians. They are simply a surface on which my hand has rested, but distant, as if padded by large sheets of metal. I guess that's what I miss most about being human.

I miss being able to feel my face stretch into a smile while my diaphragm bubbled with laughter, I miss having people to converse with. I miss being able to feel the warmth of my palms against my frostbitten face in the winter. Though I am able to be eternally aware of my surroundings, my mind is tired of running circles in the dark. I miss the brief escape that dreams offered me. I miss the feeling of temperature and hunger, with it the fulfillment of having a hot drink wrapped in blankets on a cold day. Now I feel my mind follows a single track in chase of blood and juicy insides. I could never  _kill_  a human to satiate my hunger, therefore I feast upon insects that surround me, miraculously sharp teeth slicing through their crunchy exterior effortlessly, relishing in every drop of juice they provide.  _I can deal with the nauseating hunger pains just fine. It really couldn't get any worse. Zombies can't die from starvation, can they?_

"They can't understand you, you know," a voice startled me out of my thoughts. I looked up at the voice from beyond. "Stephano. Pleasure to meet you." He offered me his rotting hand. I must have looked so surprised, because he smirked and said, "Axed in the face by some small lunatic. She was agile, I'll give you that."  _Am I really talking to someone after so long? Shit.. what do I say?_ I paused before stretching my hand out to take his, observing his features. He had flesh hanging off the left side of his face, eyeball shrunken and misguided. If my body were capable, it would have shivered at the sight. Whether it was fear or disdain, I could not place. 

"Shot by a confused man," I said, unsure of how I could continue this conversation. 

"That sucks. I was trying to protect my stupid confrontational brother," he explained further. "I saw you talking to that angel. Do you know her?"

"Yeah, she's one of my best friends. I...I was the one that ultimately killed her." I flicked an insect off of my skin, a look of disgust and disappointment plastered upon my face. 

"You did the right thing," he replied with an understanding smile. I waited for him to continue, as I didn't know what to say. "Being an angel is nice and comfortable. They get to choose what age they want to remain in. As you will soon notice, most angels are young and good looking. It's not just coincidence you know," he said with a wink. "But us zombies are hideous creatures that slowly decompose as we 'live', no choice of appearance," he stroked self-consciously at his face before flashing me a reserved smile. "Most of them don't know that we can hear them, especially the ones that passed straight to death. They don't hear us like we want to be heard. They hear what the humans hear, slow and fear-inducing groans." He allowed me a second to process this information.  _Why is he telling me this?_  "You're probably wondering why I don't just die to become an angel, right?"  _No, not really. But now that I think about it..._  "While angels have the ability to appear in their loved ones' dreams and control light, they cannot physically affect the human environment like zombies can. I want to stay and help my brother fight, as much as possible." He gave me a sincere smile.

"Oh. Makes sense," I said idiotically while I tried to process the information. We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before I finally blurted. "How do you know this?" 

"I've tried talking to angels, who never responded with words, only looks of disdain. I overheard conversations between them complaining about how zombies were loud and obnoxious, how the groans still sent chills down their backs, how they hated every one of them. They blame all of us for the actions of the few bloodthirsty ones. I wish they could see us in the same way we see them.." His voice trailed off softly. He then visibly snapped out of his trance and straightened up again. "I've seen angels transport themselves into the minds of their lovers to turn their terrified expressions into ones of ease and contentment. Unfortunately, those happy looks usually fade into bouts of tears or empty disappointment when they wake." 

"I see... So where is your brother?" I asked while scanning the place. There was no one around other than us.

"He's right th- Shoot. I have to go. I have to go find him. Good luck with your angel friend!" Stephano said with one final wave as he dragged his feet away in the cold, wet ground. I gave a limp wave before settling back down with my own thoughts against the tree.  _There's still so much for me to learn about being a zombie... Maybe he's right. I was given a chance to repay them, so I must take it by staying and supporting them, no matter how much it hurts. Zoe never got a chance, so I must compensate for the both of us. Perhaps even for Norie._ With that, I got back up to start walking in the group's direction.

When I reached the camp where they stopped for the night, I found Iago and Bonehead curled on the ground next to a crackling fire. Iago looked like he was battling his inner demons, face contorted and skin sweaty. Zoe curled around him like a blanket as she looked into the fire with regret and sadness, conjuring tiny, deflating fireworks from the sparks that danced carelessly around the fire. I knew that it hurt her more than anyone to see them - to see him like this. Upon taking another few cautious steps toward her, I could faintly hear her mumbling to herself. "Should I? No I shouldn't. I don't think that would be wise...But he's so lost, he needs me. But I can't do this every night. It doesn't do any good, he wakes up soaked in tears anyways..." She went on, unaware of my existence. I heard a muffled "Fuck it" before she was surrounded by wisps of silver light, traversing into the crevices of his mind. Almost immediately, a warm expression overtook his face - one I hadn't seen since before the cabin incident. 

I sat in the cold and awaited sunrise for them to start moving again.

 

* * *

 

The day started early. As silver light directed itself from Iago's mind, his face soured and he woke with a start. Zoe reappeared, a form lingering above him. She drifted away quickly, expression just as broken as his. I watched as he slowly curled in on himself, a shell of the enthusiastic and joyful person he once was. He let the tears flow as he repeatedly told Zoe that he didn't want to play this game anymore. It was his last beacon of hope, you see. He hoped that if he chanted the phrase enough, he would eventually be ejected from this horrid nightmare of a game. Yet all it did was stir Bonehead from his restless slumber. I wanted to reach out and comfort them both so badly, but I would only scare them.  _And they probably won't even recognize me anymore._

Bone Saw walked behind Iago and allowed his legs to collapse suddenly next to him. Wordlessly, he pulled Iago into a sitting position before wrapping his arms around Iago, securely surrounding him. He was never good with words, nor with physical contact.  _I've never seen this side of him. He always freezes up when others feel down._ In this time of need, I think company was overdue for the both of them. Eventually, Iago's laboured breathing evened out to tiny sniffles. He lifted his gaze to look past Bonehead's pale complexion and cracked glasses, into his frequently hidden eyes. They shared a look, of understanding, concern and slight embarrassment.

"Uhh...Are you okay?" Bone tried to ask nonchalantly while raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah. Just another dream about Zoe," Iago replied honestly.

"Oh, " Bone sighed, as if pondering the logistics of dreams. Silence spread thick between them as Bone let out large breaths, condensation drifting with the wind back towards him, plastering itself on his glasses. He set his glasses down as he sighed one last time, folding himself even tighter around Iago. His eyes closed as he rested his head softly on the other's, falling asleep almost immediately, the comfort of company enough to drive away the sleeplessness. 

Iago watched quietly as Bone's Adam's apple bobbed every few seconds, hoping it would calm him enough for more sleep. The image of Zoe's limp body awaited him in the darkness behind his eyelids, despite all the beautiful memories that also visited him night after night. He leaned in closer to Bone's chest and listened for his heart beat, a pounding metronome that reminded him that he was not alone on this journey. Slowly the beat embedded itself in his mind, drowning out the malicious thoughts and nightmares.

As the sun peeked over tall giants, the fire was long gone. Two men, though nearing their twenties, were sprawled on the ground by the charred ghosts of a fire like children during nap-time. Though fearful, they wore calm expressions as they remained wrapped around each other - experiencing perhaps the first night of dreamless sleep since I began following them.

Iago was first to stir, drifting slowly into consciousness with a few sluggish blinks of his eyes. Upon registering his position, he recalled the episode he had a mere few hours ago. He blushed as he lifted his head in reaction, and headbutted Bone Saw in the chin.

"Ow!" Bone exclaimed as he was startled awake from his pleasant rest to a pain ringing through his skull. 

"Oops, sorry about that," Iago apologized sheepishly while squirming out of Bone's arms. 

"S'alright," he mumbled back as he rubbed his chin in hopes of alleviating some pain.

"We should probably move huh?" Iago suggested after a long stretch that was accompanied by a yawn. 

"Yeah, in a bit. I feel like an old man," Bone Saw agreed, impersonating the hoarse voice of an elderly man while getting up to stretch himself. A stretch did not quite satisfy him, as he braced one arm over the opposite side of his head and pulled to bend his neck in one direction, then switching to the other. The sickening cracks of neck bones echoed through the section of the forest. Still not completely satisfied, he bent over backwards to crack his back and ended it by extending his arms to make another two sickening cracks from his elbow. I used to cringe at these sounds while the others laughed, now Iago visibly winces at every crack, influenced by recent experiences.

"Oh shut up, you're fine," Iago retorted as he picked up his bag.

"I do not appreciate your disbelief," Bone commented matter-of-factly.

"I do appreciate your butt," Iago replied flirtatiously with a tongue peeking from his lips and eyebrows that wiggled continuously in waiting for a response.

"I am  _not_  your boyfriend, Iago. Stop hitting on me." The reply came with no weight. Rather, it invited Iago to push further.

"Do you want to be?" The flirtatious act continued.

"No."

"Why not? You know you want this hot piece of ass," Iago stated with a smirk as he heaved his bag onto his shoulders. 

"Yeah right, gross." Bone rolled his eyes as he pulled his bag onto his back, groaning out of habit.

"Come on now, old man. Would you like me to help you cross the street?" Iago asked, forever teasing.

"Oh fuck off." Bone tossed him a mock offended look.

"Nevar!" Iago exclaimed as he grabbed Bone's hand playfully, walking into the forest. 

Though Bone Saw grumbled as he followed, he didn't retract his hand. In fact, neither commented upon nor retreated from the firm hold that encouraged them to persist in their journey.

 

* * *

 

A s they strolled on, they came across a clearing with a single McDonald's next to a dusty gas station. The McDonald's was littered with graffiti and missing person ads. There was one tag in particular that stood out, but I couldn't place why. The two didn't seem to make much notice of the two buildings. 

"Man, I'm so hungry, I could eat two entire pizzas," Bonehead exclaimed, his unoccupied hand smoothing over his stomach.

"Same here," Iago replied, making no comment about how Bone had swapped out "horse" for his own version of a "large" amount of food. 

Then it hit me. That tag.  _Sam_ . It was a neon orange Lilith tag, a symbol that we became fascinated with since we saw it on a space cats shirt she once owned.  _It's her._ The paint was still shimmering as a spot of light seemed to frame it perfectly.  _That must mean she's still close by!_  I had to draw their attention to it. I picked up a rock and aimed for the Lilith tag. Upon taking a few steps forward, I faintly heard Zoe's voice, futilely yelling out of frustration. She must have had the same idea and decided to shine a light on the tag. Perhaps it wasn't necessarily to draw  _my_  attention to it, but it worked. 

That's when I threw the rock.

I had anticipated that my aim would not guarantee a hit on the target, but I did not expect to hear the crunch of a cracked bone and a sound that can only be described as "the tearing of jello" as I watched my hand travel the arc of the rock, landing fairly near the rock itself.  _Fuck. There goes my hand.._

The sudden noise alerted many people, perhaps more than intended. Iago and Bone Saw turned around, staring at the spot of light as if it were a sign from heaven - which technically, it was. Zoe looked in my direction and seemed to recognize me under the rotting flesh and open wounds, shooting me a look of thanks. That's when 3 men walked out of the McDonald's, brandishing guns. Both guys raised their hands in surrender and stared at the Lilith tag puzzledly. Zoe and I exchanged a look of helpless terror.

"Look, we don't want any trouble," Iago started to reason.

"Shut up," a man hushed them rudely, the force of it visibly rippling through a tattoo running down the right side of his face. "If you're stepping on  _our_  soil, you're asking for trouble," he spat.

"Please let us go, we were not aware of your ownership of this area," Bone tried to reason, but failed to sound genuine, his tone easily mistaken as rich and egotistical. 

"I see we have an educated snob, this one. Pft, ownership, who uses that word anymore?" the man brushed his plea off easily with a sarcastic chuckle. "Kill 'em, boys." The other two moved with their guns, ready to shoot them point-blank. 

Bone Saw grew silent as Iago grew antsy. "Please, we'll help you out, we have food, we'll do work for you, whatever you want," he tried to leverage a compromise that he could at least try to weasel out of later.

"I want everything you own, and you for a nice steamy stew this evening. My boys 'n I are hungry as  _fuck_ . No one has come around for a looong time," he growled, voice low and excited. "We've been craving the taste of meat," he said, licking his lips.  _What the hell, these people are worse than me, and I'm a zombie for crying out loud!_  "We may even have enough firewood for cooking this time. Rocky, can you che-"

As he turned to his left to properly address the man that was presumably Rocky, he felt a swift gust of wind before Rocky fell to the ground, a fire axe embedded in his skull. Heads all whipped towards the origin of the axe. In the time it took everyone to register her presence, another axe flew through the air and nailed the other guy in the exact same spot. _Sam. She's alive...and here!_  Zoe cheered while Sam dodged the tattooed man's bullets. _Her parkour skills have improved remarkably._ I "chuckled" to myself as I remembered the first time she tried parkouring and how she fell into a garbage can. She ducked between Iago and Bonehead from behind and grabbed them by their shoulders. "Hey princesses," she greeted in a light-hearted, patronizing manner, "did you miss me?" she finished with a chuckle as she pulled them into the bushes. Zoe tried to help as much as possible, directing light towards the man's eyes in an attempt to blind him. As he stumbled from the impact of the light, Iago swept the man off his feet with a strong swing of the leg, sending him to the ground. Sam took the chance to deliver a crushing blow to his head with her homemade spiked boots. The commotion settled as heavy breathing became the only sound above the slight breeze sifting through the trees, the ground covered by bodies suffering head trauma, dripping with blood.

As the three angels rose from the body, Zoe took the liberty to flip them off as they entered the after life. Strangely, they just strode past her with guilty faces. She then walked over to me. 

"Elisa? Is that you?" she asked with a hopeful but pained expression.  _I must look terrible, don't I?_

"Yeah," I replied, which made her shy away slightly. I remembered what Stephano said about their inability to understand us and changed tactics by nodding instead.

"Can you actually hear me?" I nodded again. "Wow, all this time..." she started in awe, rushing over to give me a hug. As solid as she looked, I could not feel her touch, could not pull her in like I so wanted to. She then recounted all the good that awaited her in the after life, thanking me for my prayers. I shook my head to signal that I shouldn't be thanked, but she barely noticed as she barrelled on. While she talked, I could not help shifting my focus to the bodies that lay before the fortress of the double golden arcs, now browned and dusty. The viscous blood moved slowly, spreading from the bodies into the cracks of the pavement. Their exposed skulls revealed dark pink brain matter that I used to avoid looking at, but now craved more than anything in the world. I couldn't risk going over there just yet, but I was ever grateful to Sam for taking care of me even after my death - albeit accidentally. As a way of channelling the focus while still keeping an eye on my juicy dinner, I focused my ears on listening to the casual conversation of the humans.

Sam approached the two young men. "Took you guys," she grunted as she retrieved one of her axes, "long enough to get here."  Another grunt for the other axe. That earned a scowl from them both. "Clare and I have been here for three weeks now, I found her scrounging for food while I was tagging a McDonald's. We thought you guys weren't going to make it. You should be glad I picked the right time to repaint that Lilith."  _I can't believe she found Clare too! Though I thought she would be travelling with her family... I sure hope nothing happened to them.._ Clare was another member of our friend group. She was the ever quiet one, but was also a very sporadic and ambitious one when her interests were spurred. 

"Ohhhh, so that's what it is. 'that Lilith'? Is there more than one?" Bonehead asked.

"Yeah, of course there are more! I tagged every McDonald's on the way here to leave you marks!"

"Didn't notice," Iago said honestly.  _Man, they are_ really _oblivious._

"Well that's your fault then. I tried to lead you to us as best as I could. Speaking of, where are the others? Did they not travel with you?" she asked as if she was naive enough to believe that we would all make it out alive. And perhaps she truly was.

"Well, uhm.." Iago started out, not knowing how to make words with his lips for the first time in his life. He felt them clogging up by his vocal chords, suffocating him with all the realities he wasn't ready to face. Bone Saw noticed the change and walked behind him, rubbing a supportive hand across the small of his back as a subtle encouragement as he spoke for him.

"The others have..unfortunately perished," he said with an air of stoic professionalism. However, towards the end of the sentence, his voice wavered a note full of sorrow and regret. Sam stared back at Bone Saw with incredulous eyes. She let her axes clatter to the ground as she slumped to join them. Zoe stopped talking to glance in Sam's direction. Sam's shoulders shook with shock uncontrollably as she hid her face from the others.  _She's never been genuinely upset in front of me, ever. I didn't think I'd ever see her this upset over anything.._  Zoe rushed over to her, wrapping her arms around her and made soft noises at her, noises they used to share when words seemed too overused. But her actions were useless, and she floated inches above Sam, tears dribbling down her cheeks as frustration and injustice became apparent in her storm-coloured eyes. The guys stood bewildered, unable to formulate a proper gesture for the sudden reaction. Iago stretched and retracted his hand several times, uncertain if he would be justified in giving her a comforting pat or a smoothing of the shoulder. Bone Saw became useless as he froze up at the thought of a crying girl.  _Do something you dumb shits! Comfort her!_

Suddenly she stilled and stood up, her irregular breaths stifled to hiccups. It startled Iago during an unsure extension of his arm, making him flinch away from her. She quickly wiped under her eyes and nose with a rough sleeve before picking up one of her axes and swinging at a wall of the McDonald's, leaving an angry gash. Her heart ached but she concealed it with anger. When Iago ventured to ask if she was okay, she snapped out of it, angry flames behind her eyes extinguished, leaving empty neutrality to take its place.

"Yeah. Let's go. Clare and I have made a home out of an abandoned lodge we found. Let's head over there before we get ourselves killed again." She spoke in a casual tone, almost emotionless. There were no traces of her previous emotions, whether anger or sadness. She concealed the fear because she was always taught to be strong, ever since childhood. She learned early on that everyone had to leave at some point, she abandoned hope in trusting others since they all seemed to give up and fade from her life. She thought it was different with Zoe and I, that we would understand and stay with her until the end. Sadly, the end came faster than expected and we let her down, just like the rest of them. All she could do was try to pull herself together for the remains of her friendly family, they needed her - and despite how much she denied it, she needed them just as much.

 

* * *

 

 

Zoe and I watched as their figures grew smaller and smaller as they walked along the forest trail. I trusted that Zoe could help me find them later. 

"Should we go after them...?" Zoe asked hesitantly. 

I eyed the fresh corpses that laid mere meters away with renewed eagerness. When no clear reply escaped my mouth, Zoe's eyes followed mine. She let out a tiny gasp of horror as she realized what I wanted. 

"Oh no. No. No. No," she repeated while shaking her head disapprovingly. "You're better than that."  _I wish I was but I'm not. My body says that I need this right now._  I shook my head and pulled my lips down into a frown using my left hand and my right arm stub. I think she got the message as she sighed,"  _Fine_ . But I don't want to see it. I'm going to follow them to the lodge. I'll come back for you later." I gave her a thumbs up charged with fervour to signify ecstatic agreement. She huffed a barely audible "alright" before floating off to catch up with the others. 

I slowly limped towards the bodies until I could sense the distinct presence of blood - the metallic smell of it drying, mixed with a tang of sweetness that came with the fresh blood oozing from the head wounds. Brain matter coated the edges of the cuts in a smattering of blurry colours ranging from a dull pink to a yellowed pink, to a bruised purple. The temptation overtook my control as I dug in, face first, reasoning that they deserved this fate for trying to harm my friends.

I felt a lot better on a full stomach, and for the first time, felt a strong urge to sleep. Leaning against a small tree, I let myself drift into a deep sleep.


	2. Tell Me If I Overstep The Boundaries

When I awoke, something didn't feel quite right. When fully awake, I realized that the world was much clearer to me again. Looking down revealed that I was covered in snow. I heard the cracking of bones as I tried to lift my arms, a crunch that reminded me of all half-frozen ice that I used to break in bottles of water while they froze in the freezer. As expected, my arms and wrist flopped before me, bones jutting out at strange angles. What did surprise me was the sudden reappearance of my right hand. Quickly brushing the snow from my abdomen revealed a new expanse of skin and a pinball sized hole once again.  _Is this because I finally ate? This must be why zombies even bother with eating human flesh._

"Hey Elisa!" a cheery voice chimed from above me. Zoe floated to hover directly in front of me. I tried waving back, but it turned out awkward and sloppy as bones continued to crack and fold in upon themselves. Her face contorted into a disgusted frown as she asked, "Can you move?"

I considered my cracking bones for a second and remembered why we were heading to Alaska in the first place.  _They'll just freeze and be still like a bunch of frozen lamb chops!,_ I remember saying. Those were the days, carefree, completely oblivious to how immensely terrifying a real zombie apocalypse could be... 

I gave her a shake of the head, confirming her suspicions of my inability to move. She let out a long sigh before floating to sit on the tree branch above my head. I watched her curiously, giving her a puzzled look. 

"Just watch," she says as she casts strings of light from her fingertips, forming a holographic projection screen in front of my eyes.

A wooden lodge appears on screen, blanketed with fallen snow. Few snowflakes drift gently on screen as muffled voices increase in strength, clearing as each second goes by. I recognized Bonehead's voice first, whining while asking when they were going to get to the lodge. Then Sam's triumphant voice as she skipped into frame, ducking into a crouch before gesturing grandly to the lodge with a proud grin: "TADA, HOME!"

"That's...actually not bad. This is definitely the best place we've seen all trip," Bone Saw decided with an approving nod.

"Nice," Iago added contemplatively.

"What do you mean  _actually not bad,_ dipshit? Best place? How many luxurious places have you been to since this shit started? Been going around sleeping in 5 star hotels? I'm offended. I'm not sure if I can let you guys in, what if you die from just seeing the nice, homey inside? Oh no, what if it's not adequate for housing two princesses?" she let out rapidly, not allowing either of the guys enough time to retort her teasing statements.

"...Wha? We are  _not_  princesses," Bone sputtered uselessly, looking to Iago for support. 

"Yeah, I'm not, but he is. We did need to find 5 star hotels, can you imagine using the lube from a dingy motel? Gross, I don't want my dick near that," Iago said with fake disgust on his face. Bone sputtered even louder, surely regretting ever asking him for help. "Plus, I've gotta treat my princess right, ain't that true?" Iago continued while holding Bone's cheeks in a palm, making patronizing faces at him. Bone glared back at him, flustered, red cheeks surely burning marks into the fingertips pressing against them.

Sam let out a laugh at that, shaking her head slightly and turning to unlock the door to the lodge. Once inside, the boys finally dropped their bags and gape at the interior. The lodge was much bigger on the inside, the door opening to a large living room that hid away a kitchen and dining area to its far left. On the right was a hallway holding around 4 rooms and 2 bathrooms, each doorway lit by yellowing camping lights dangling from metal wires. The walls were decorated with various animal pelts, as well as metal light fixtures that imitated wood carved ones, while a pile of Sam's customized weapons sat atop the fireplace.

"I'm home! Guess what?" Sam yelled into the hallway on the right.

"What?" Clare replied as her face peeked from a doorway.

"I found some people you might want to see." Sam tried to suppress the grin fighting its way onto her face, but it split its way across her face anyway. Iago and Bone Saw stepped out from behind the hallway corner and Clare chanted a mantra of 'Oh my God, oh my God' as she ran towards them, hooking them both into a warm embrace. All four wore tired but excited faces, relieved to be reunited after months of travel. As they chatted, the audio slowly faded out and the camera pulled away.

"That's all I got before I came back to find you, sorry." 

I looked up at Zoe and shrugged, hoping she would understand that I meant to say that it was okay. She seemed to understand, hovering away from the branch to "sit" next to me in the snow. 

"I see you have your hand back." I nodded. "Too bad it doesn't work properly, huh?" I nodded again. She leant her head on the crook of my neck, but a quarter of her head disappeared into my shoulder blade immediately. "I guess eating human flesh helps you more than I could have ever imagined."  _Yeah, same here._ But she wouldn't have been able to understand, so I just nodded again. She sighed as she started to talk again. 

"You know, the afterlife's pretty shitty sometimes. You have all that you could ever want, food, fun, no need for money... But you also have a bunch of happy people that you just get so annoyed with sometimes. It's like they don't mature because they don't have consequences anymore. They flaunt their love and happiness and take your stuff because they're just that self-entitled. But honestly, I just... I miss Iago so much. It doesn't matter to me how much food I can get here, or who is up here for me to share life with, I wish I could have him again. Just to feel his hair brush against my face when we wrap together in a hug, to feel his hand in mine as we idly go about our day, to feel his heartbeat against my ear when I wish to drift off to sleep at night, and to feel the soft brush of his lips against mine as they fluctuate in proximity with every cheesy, sweet word that is whispered from that mouth." She got up, flying to a spot behind me, obviously embarrassed by what just came from her mouth. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to listen to this mushy stuff."  _It's okay..._  I wanted to let her know that she could confide in me, no matter how mushy it was.

She cleared her throat as she turned to go in the direction of the lodge. "I'll go see how they're doing. Be back later!" She disappeared as quickly as a single wisp of smoke in harsh winter winds.

 

* * *

 

 

Over the following weeks, Zoe brought me glimpses of the group's activities through memory projection. I watched the boys get settled into their new home as they had pillow fights and long talks in front of the fireplace. The news of the rest of the group sat heavy on their shoulders, as they sat huddled into each other, all previous personal boundaries broken and pushed aside for the time being. They filled the silence with jokes, but as relief settled into mild disturbance at the recognition of what the future held, their bodies seemed to idle as their minds raced away from them. Most of the clips ended on a sleeping Iago, and most of the time, Zoe would only realize 2 minutes in that we were just watching him breathe in and out, causing her to then blush and end the projection. 

When Zoe was not with me, I sat staring at my right hand, still slightly incredulous of the regenerative powers of eating humans. Other times I hoped to see some activity around the old gas station and McDonald's, hoping to see a tagger, or a bird, or another angel, anything other than the white that blanketed everything in sight. The snow did help slow the deterioration, the hole in my gut only slightly bigger than it had been a week ago. My vision was still quite clear and I tried to make as much movement as I could to stop myself from freezing solid. Zoe helped train my eye movements with her visits, my peripherals receiving a lot more practice with someone to look for. 

One night, Zoe approached me with a sad smile. She deflated upon sitting down on her branch as she flashed me another sad smile that came off more as a grimace than a smile. The projection started strangely dark, and it took me a while to realize we were watching Iago sleep again.  _She must have messed up. Maybe she's finally lost it and that's all that fills her memories._ Just as I was going to groan to let her know that I wasn't interested in watching him sleep, the projection pulled increasingly closer to his face before static overtook the screen.  _What the..._  The static gave way to a hard cut to a close up on his face again, this time contorted into the pained expression I saw months ago. As the view swiftly zoomed out to a hyperventilating Iago curled with his arms around his knees, I tried to process what that could have possibly been. The screen continued to frame him perfectly as he rocked from toes to tailbone and back again. I stared up at Zoe when it finally hit me. _Did she go into his dreams again? I thought she stopped doing that!_ She sat staring at the screen with a hard expression of regret. I decided to let it go for now, it wasn't like I was  _capable_  of lecturing her or anything.  _Why is she showing me this anyways? It obviously hurts her to see this... I don't need to see it.. Wha-_

At that moment, Iago stood from his spot on the bed and dragged himself across the bedroom, blanket obscuring most of him, dragging across the floor, making him look like he was floating slowly across the room. The screen bounced with every bob of his head as he switched indecisively between watching his feet and staring anxiously ahead, panning every time he reached the far left of the screen to recenter him. He drifted slowly out the door, turning right into the hallway and again to open the door to the room next to his. Inside, Bonehead slept peacefully in the middle of his twin sized bed.  _It's rare that someone can be so OCD even in sleep_ ... 

Iago stood at the side of the bed, unsure of how he could approach it. He seemed to settle for standing there sniffling until Bone woke up. 

Surprisingly, it did the trick.

Bone stirred at the sudden onslaught of sound in the peaceful silence of his bedroom. He snapped into a sitting position, hands clutched tight around a ceramic mug, which stayed pointed at the audial intrusion, contents raining down upon a now spluttering Iago. 

"What the fuck dude?!" Iago spat between coughs.

"What do you mean what the fuck? Why are you standing by my bedside watching me sleep and waiting to give me a heart attack? That's extremely creepy,  _dude,_ " Bone retorted.

"I just wanted some company!" Iago yelled back, not backing down. "Plus,  _you're_  the one that poured water all over me!"

"That was in self defence," Bone huffed.

"What kind of shit self defence is that?! What's that sound? Sounds like a zombie, better pour WATER OVER IT."

"Okay, I'll give you that. But in my defence, I was asleep and that was the closest object within reach."

"Idiot," Iago looked to him, a grin gracing his face as he tried not to laugh. His lips sputtered and the attempted dam broke as he flopped onto the bed in hysterics. Bone faked an offended face before bursting into his signature laughter as well. 

When the laughing died down, Iago stripped off his water splotched shirt and laid with his back against Bone's chest. 

"You're an idiot, you know?" Bone spoke directly into the bundle of curls that made way for his face as he grabbed Iago's hands to stop him from fidgeting with the zipper on the blanket cover. He continued when he heard no response. "You could have just climbed in... You know I don't mind, right?" Still no reply. Silence fell between them as Bone seemed to contemplate if he should continue talking. "I mean, I didn't mind all those other times..." I looked up at Zoe, who threw me an apologetic shrug. "...and I don't mind being woken up to help a friend in need." Iago shifted a little.

"So another nightmare?"

"Yeah."

"He finally speaks!" Bone said in a mock tone of exasperated relief. "Want to talk about it?"

"He's never talked about it to anyone until tonight," Zoe interjected.  _So this **has**  been going on for a while now. _ I gave her an accusing glance. "I'm sorry, alright? I can't help but want to be near him and let him see me."  _But that way, he'll be stuck torturing himself with his memories, you know.._  "Plus, I think I'm doing him a favour the only way I can." At that, I glanced at her with puzzlement, before returning my focus to the screen.

"Yeah, I think I'm ready," Iago said with a long exhale. Bone said nothing to urge him on, settling for rubbing circles into the backs of Iago's hands instead. 

"It starts out different each time, but it always ends the same way. I'm always alone at first, walking around on a grassy field or sitting at home watching TV. Sometimes other friends join me, but it's never her." He lets out a shuddering sigh. "Then she appears, and she looks at me. She's beautiful, more beautiful than I remember. I take her hand and spin her into my arms. But it doesn't feel right... She's definitely no ghost, I can feel her curves, but she's not quite solid like a human is. She feels like...cotton. But it doesn't stop me from dancing with her on the dance floor. We start slow and steady, she guides me through the steps because I always stumble at dances, and she tells me that she's doing just fine, she tells me that I need to take care of myself. She laughs and tells me I'm terrible at dancing, and before I can tell her I'm a dance lord, she kisses me. I can't ignore the dryness of her lips and when I blink, I see the face of a zombie. There's maggots crawling beneath her cotton skin and centipedes chewing through her eyes and her face becomes indistinguishable and this infestation of insects just...just..."

As he pauses to catch his breath, I notice the small movements of comfort Bone Saw was displaying. His lips are kissing up and down Iago's neck, as if each peck exorcised an inner demon. Iago takes another shuddering breath before continuing.

"...They tear her apart. She becomes this walking...thing, that echoes 'I love you's while she limps towards me. Then I suddenly have a gun in my hand. I could never shoot her, so I close my eyes and feel the metal sliding against my tongue before I pull the trigger... and I wake up." There's a sheen to his skin, a layer of sweat sticking tight on his skin as he tried to steady his breathing, Bone shuffling under the sheets to press himself impossibly close to Iago.

"It's okay now," Bone murmured as he wrapped an arm around Iago's waist as he stroked his sweat laced hair softly. "It was just a dream, you'll be okay now." 

They laid like that for what felt like hours, Bone gently whispering reassurances once in a while, otherwise humming while stroking Iago's hair during the comfortable lull.

"Bone?" Iago asked after a while.

"Hm?" Bone acknowledged, with his eyes closed and hand still moving.

"I think I might love you." Bone Saw opened his eyes and stilled. Iago turned around on the small bed and buried his face in Bone's shirt, indulging in the sound of his beating heart. "You're really great. You're always there for me and you always pick me up when I'm down. Even though you're uptight sometimes, you still let me be the way I am, and you're the only one that's been there for me like Zoe would have been. And I don't know what it is about the conversation on the dance floor with her tonight, but she seemed to want me with you. I thought maybe my brain wanted me to recognize this feeling inside now, before this apocalypse kills us all," he mumbled into Bone's bony chest, making his ribcage vibrate. Bone exhaled deeply, trying to formulate an answer.

"I... I'm a little messed up right now. Can you... give me a few days to process this?" 

"Oh. Yeah, sure. That's cool," Iago tried to fake nonchalance, but it came off as incredibly tense and offended. 

"You know what, never mind. I don't want to regret this," Bone said determinedly, more to himself than to Iago, but it stopped Iago mid-turn, now staring at the wooden rafters that held up the ceiling. Bone turned to lie on his back with his eyes to the ceiling too, reaching to his right to grab Iago's hand, fingers interlocking as he started to ramble. 

"Did you know that the first time I met you, I thought you were a complete asshole? It seemed like you had guys and girls around you all the time, all trying to grab your attention as you flirted with them all. I didn't understand how anyone liked you at all. Then I got to know you and realized it was me that had it all wrong. All of the girls weren't there because you were attractive, but because you had a strange, charming way of being an asshole. You somehow figured out how to be the perfect blend of stupid prick and sweet romantic..." He paused, certainly unsure of what was even spilling from his mouth at this point. Iago gave his hand a small squeeze.

"I didn't think much of it at first, when you asked me to sit with you at lunch. But I was so scared of being alone at the time. And when we became inseparable, I thought for sure that we were going to be a thing. Then Zoe came along and... It really crushed me. I gave up on everything, you know? I thought about all the ways I could avoid the internal embarrassment, I felt like a fool for thinking you could ever like a guy, even though you knew how to make me feel loved and even when you made so many jokes about being with me that for a moment, I believed them to be true. The arrival of your blossoming relationship made me feel so... stupid and broken. At one point I just wanted to die and be done with it all, to stop myself from becoming a source of drama in your relationship. I learned to distance myself and be happy for you two, but then... This," he gestured to the air around him,"...this happened."

Iago turned to face Bone Saw, whose eyes still stared directly at the ceiling, Adam's apple bobbing heavily as he swallowed before continuing.

"I told myself to be content with protecting my friends, but as they slowly started dying off, I became so scared that I would lose you just as suddenly as we lost everyone else. I don't know if you'll ever understand how hard it was for me to drag you away from Zoe, to see you be so unwilling to live, but I know Elisa meant well and we couldn't be sure what kind of shit you'd pull if we left you alone with Zoe and a gun. I learned to accept it, Iago, I learned to accept that you two were meant to be, so I suppressed it all along the way. Then you started having these nightmares, and you would murmur her name sometimes, but you would always startle awake and come to me for comfort. My buried feelings awoke and started to swell again, and somewhere inside, I started hoping again. But it felt wrong to encroach on Zoe, still.. but I guess now that you've said it, fuck it." He took a deep breath. "I've loved you all along." 

I have never seen so much emotion in Bonehead before, let alone all the mushy stuff. 

From beside him, Iago started snickering. "GAY!" he called out.

Bonehead did a double take, eyes wide and mouth gaping in disbelief. "Fuck you, asshole!" 

"I'm just kidding, calm your tits," Iago replied quickly before catching Bone's lips in a kiss.

"I don't have tits," Bone pouted to participate in the whirlwind that was a relationship with Iago.

"We'd better fatten you up then," Iago said with a smirk.

"You're an idiot."

"Does that make you a double idiot for loving me?"

"No... Maybe. You're a triple idiot for confessing your love at such an inconvenient time."

"Is it really that inconvenient?" Bonehead nodded. "Well, if I don't confess now, how are you going to get laid before we all die?"

Bonehead started sputtering again. "Who said anything about getting laid?!"

"Well, when a guy and a guy love each other very much..."

"Stop right there, we are  _not_  having the sex talk tonight too." He paused to rethink that. "Or ever, actually. At least not in the parent-child way."

"What's wrong, son? Nervous about sex, are we?"

"Fuck you,  _dad_ ."

"Whoa there, son. I am not okay with incest. Should we have a talk about this?"

"Oh shut up."

"Make me." And Iago's smirk was too tempting for Bone not to lean in and kiss it off his stupid face.

The screen faded out as Zoe came down to join me. I shot her a look of worry when I saw her sad grin once again. I wanted to ask if she was okay. I think she got that though.

"Yeah, I'll be alright. It's for the best, I think. I want him to love again, I don't want him to waste the entire rest of his life grieving over me. I'm glad he has a chance to be over me. I know you're judging me for going back into his dreams, but I had to tell him to move on and go after Bone if he really felt something for him."  _That's true love right there, folks._  "I know Bone will treat him just fine, but maybe I'll pop in his dreams to give him a clear warning not to hurt my-  _our_  Iago. Plus, I mean, I'll be his one and only girl, and Bone will be his one and only boy, right?" She forced a smile. "At least he picked a guy so I can watch some yaoi unfold up here in the sky," she mused as a genuine chuckle made its way from her lips. She gave me a hug before she bid me farewell.

I was once again enveloped in nothing but snow. As the strong wind whistled through broken glass panes, I heard echoes from a life long gone, a voice that told me, on the verge of tears, that as much as he loved Zoe, he was afraid his stupid flirty gestures were becoming something more than  _just pretend_ .  _Iago, sir, you are a lucky bastard and you don't even know it. To have the love of two faithful and giving people, what kind of martyr were you in your past life to deserve them both? Hang on tight this time, Iggly, hang on tight._


	3. Tell Me About How Things Were Looking Up

A distant rumbling of tires against snow snapped me out of my reverie. I waited as the sound became louder, until I saw a red jeep barreling down the buried road, traveling in the direction from which we came. It was old and worn down, but still functional - a blessing to anyone living in these run down ages. Attached to the back was a rusting yellow vanity plate with 'ALL4SCI' in blue lettering beside an icon of an empty test tube wrapped in a double helix.  _Is this guy for real? Is this the end of the line? I'm going insane and hallucinating now, aren't I? How the hell is there still a functional vehicle these days? But I swear I've seen that logo somewhere before..._  It coasted through quickly and the loud hum of the engine faded away like the memories of a faraway dream in the first moments of waking. The trees shivered in the disturbance and snow started to fall steadily from the branches, slowing five seconds at a time.

I counted 91 drops from the lowest tree branch on the other side of the tree before the sound of engines stuttering grated against my eardrums. It was accompanied by the sounds of tires uselessly rotating in the deep snow. The sound was much rougher than the previously smooth hum of the jeep, the volume oscillating until it came to a full stop, before a voice uttered an almost inaudible 'Shit', followed by another's surprised 'What?'. 

"Looks like the engine's busted again," a male voice drifted in. He sounded short of breath, as if he had been holding his breath for an hour prior. The echoing of a boot against metal rang through the air. 

"I told you we didn't have to go that fast!" a female voice exclaimed, the tone surprisingly familiar.  _Is that... Gabriella? I guess the countryside didn't work out then._ "But I guess this is good too. Thanks for your help, you've bought me a lot of time already. I need to go back now." The crisp crunch of a step in the snow sounded before he spoke up in a panicked voice.

"Wait! The least you can do is help me push my jeep back home! I can fix it and give you a ride back, it'll take less time that way."

There was a silence before the air was suddenly filled with the sound of tires against snow. Several minutes later, the jeep came back into view. 

"I hate snow so much," Gabby said as she flopped down, panting heavily, taking a seat in the small haven of shelter under the McDonald's roof that jutted out from the side. The bodies from the incident with the guys still laid there, now covered in a thick blanket of snow.  _I hope she doesn't realize she's sitting in front of dead people. That would probably really freak her out if she dug a little into the snow._

The man next to her was still unfamiliar, face nicely framed by the hood of a black parka. He was dressed in gray snow pants and nice, fur lined boots.  _**Somebody** was ready for winter. Or he killed a guy that was ready for winter. _ His eyes were startlingly blue, gleaming in the low light of twilight as he looked down at Gabby with pride, as if she were his greatest masterpiece. He sat next to her with a dashing smile, observing her carefully as she shied away with a blush.  _Who the hell is this guy?_

"The name's Eli, Eli Aaronson."  _Whoa, did he just hear me? Creepy._ "What's yours?"

"Gabriella Socratous, but people usually call me Gabby because they can't bother with such a long name," she replied with a dainty smile.  _Wow, never seen Gabby this reserved before_ .

"Gabriella. That's a beautiful name. I wouldn't mind wasting my breath on two extra syllables each time." I do admit, though his voice was husky, much like the gruff voice of someone that had just awoken from bed, it brought a certain perfection to her name as the syllables flowed from his mouth smoothly. She must have caught on to the beauty also, leaning back with a small intake of breath, face growing impossibly hot in the cold winter evening. "So, what were you doing back there?" Her smile faltered as he turned his focus to cleaning his boot with the snow around it.

"Well, it was my turn to scrounge for food. My family and I, we were going to the countryside to wait out this epidemic, but found that it wasn't quite the greatest place for us," she said with a small grimace. "We have an RV, and we usually park it right outside, but this time we didn't have space to do it, so I had to just make a run for it." She paused. "But of course, my stupid luck had to go screw me over and make that the one time I truly ran _into_ a horde. We only parked a block away, so I thought I would surely be able to make the dash... But I guess I underestimated the dullness of my machete. Thank God you came along with your jeep." She smiled at him with a dreamy gaze.  _Probably reliving the memory of being saved by Mr. Prince Charming there. Knight in dirty red jeep, how romantic._

"It's not easy to come across humans nowadays. Glad to help out," he replied easily, confident smile sitting righteously on his face. "So, you're planning to go back for them?"

"Yeah," she replied just as easily. "Of course! They're all I have now."

"Have you ever thought about what would happen if you never find them though?" She shot him an offended look.

"I know I will. If I don't, then they'll find me. We're family, and we'll always come back together eventually."

I thought I saw a smirk flicker across his face before it returned to a neutral expression. "Well then, I wish you luck." His tone was bordering on bitter, but Gabby didn't seem to notice.

"Thanks!" she beamed. "So what's the plan now?" 

"Well, my house is just up the road. We have a spare bedroom you can sleep in for the night, and hopefully I can get the jeep fixed in the morning. Then we'll drive back down. Sound good?"

Gabby blushed at the prospect of sleeping over at the stranger's house. Her face was contemplative, weighing the pros and cons of the plan. "Alright," she said finally, "but I need to know, are there locks on the bedroom doors?"

Eli gave a hearty chuckle, turning to her with honest eyes. "Yes, and they only lock from the inside. Don't worry, I'm a gentleman." With that, he pushed himself up, before kneeling down to meet her eyes as he offered her a hand. She blushed slightly before taking it, standing up easily.  _The guy's stronger than he looks... probably got some muscle under that parka._  He let go of her hand as he gave her a small wink, her cheeks lighting up like a cheery Christmas light.

"We should get going before this jeep is permanently frozen here," she managed to stutter out, trying to advert attention away from the blooming redness spreading across her rapidly heating cheeks.  _And before your face remains a permanent shade of rosy red._ Even in the darkness it was noticeable, but to the unobservant eye, it could be easily cast off as frozen cheeks from prolonged exposure to the wind. She took the right side of the jeep as Eli took the left side to allow for easier steering. The jeep moved slowly but grew quicker as it built up momentum, and they continued easily down the path, occasionally grunting to accompany the steady crunching of snow.

Eventually, the vehicle moved out of earshot, and I was once again engulfed by the lonely silence of an encroaching winter night.

 

* * *

 

"GUESS WHAT?"

I heard the voice before Zoe appeared before me. I blinked blankly at her.  _What?_

"So I was comforting Sam during her daily emotional isolation..."  _Wait, what? Since when was that a thing?_  "...and the neighbour came home and..."  _Neighbour? What neighbour? They have a **neighbour**? _ "...came back with their broken car with a helper, a  _female_ helper! And you know who that helper was?" She barely paused for effect before continuing. "GABBY! They found her, Elisa! Well, technically she found them. Well, technically the neighbour found her and led them to each other accidentally but either way, it's great news! I think this is just what they all needed since we...you know."  _Perished. Yeah, I know._

"But they were so excited and I'm so happy to see them so excited. Gabby seemed to take our news really well. I think everyone expected waterworks but she had even less of a reaction than Sam did. But maybe she's just dealing with it privately, like Sam is." I still couldn't believe Zoe didn't show me any of these implied daily breakdowns. "Here, you can see for yourself." She sat down on her branch and started the projection.

"It's not fair," Sam grumbled into her knees as she systematically grinded a stone into the side of a fire axe.  _Probably sharpening it._  "Out of all the people in the group, of course I lose the ones that I care about the most.  _It's not fucking fair._ " She wiped a sleeve across her eyes with a sniffle before uncurling from herself and returning to smoothing the blade with her makeshift sandpaper. She continued on her rambling, volume increasing alongside her frantic hand motions, growing furious. "I  _know_  I wasn't the greatest at emotions, but that doesn't mean I have none! They always told me, put it aside, put it aside, if you really love someone, you have to put your feelings aside and put them  _first_ . And I did, didn't I?  _Didn't I?_  When they all put their romantic love first, I never complained. I was there for them and tried my best not to burden them with my feelings. Then why is it that the people that finally were there for me, that brought me comfort, had to be the ones to go? What gives Iago the _right_  to love Zoe and then turn to love another once she's gone? What  _goddamned_ right does he have?" She dropped the axe and threw the stone across the room, making a soft clunk against the wooden wall as she slumped back down against her knees.

"They think they're being discreet, but I hear them sometimes..." she mumbled to no one in general. "I think I should let them be, let them know that I know. I think Zoe would support it, if she were here. She's just nice like that. And she understands like I do, that when you love someone, you'll respect what makes them happy, even if it hurts you inside. But there's just something so unfair about it... I wish they were here, for me to talk to, you know? I've never really wanted to, no,  _needed_  to talk. But this whole thing has gotten out of hand, I can't shake them from my dreams.." I looked up at Zoe, and she shook her head quickly to let me know it wasn't her this time. "...Norie, Zoe, Elisa, they would listen and understand. Maybe it would've been different if I did try to show her how I really felt, maybe then she would've chosen me over-"

"Sam!" called a voice muffled by the thick door to her room.

"Just a sec!" she called back, rubbing her face with her hands.

"Don't have a sec! The neighbour brought back a person!"

"What in the hell does that have to do with us?" she asked when she opened her bedroom door.

She wasn't granted with an answer, just an excited hand around her wrist before she found herself being dragged down the hallway by Iago. They stopped in front of the window by the door.

Her eyes grew wide with recognition as she stared out the window. "Is that..."

"Gabby? I think so!" Iago answered excitedly.

Sam rushed out the door, barely bothering with shoes as she flung herself onto the front steps of the lodge.

"Gabby!" she shouted, catching the attention of the girl to the right of the jeep.

"Sam? Is that you?" the girl yelled back.

"Yeah! I can't believe you're here!" She gestured wildly and vaguely towards the jeep.

"Oh. My. Gosh. I didn't think we would actually find you guys ever again!" Gabby ran from her place, making Eli grunt with the effort of suddenly pushing the entire vehicle by himself. Surprisingly, he managed to adjust to the extra weight and pushed the jeep up the remaining road on his own. Gabby quickly closed the gap between her and Sam, engulfing her in a giant hug. "I've missed you guys soooo much!" She gave Sam one last squeeze before pulling away. "Though I still don't miss the way your boobs press into my stomach," she said with a laugh.

"Well excuse you, my boobs are fabulous. I bet you missed them more than anything." Sam hugged her boobs in mock offense.

"I'm just kidding, I missed them too," she mused while leaning down to talk to Sam's cradled breasts as if they were shy little babies.

Just then, the boys hurried out, dressed in proper snow gear.

"Hey Gabby," Iago greeted, waggling his eyebrows suggestively while Bonehead gave a simple 'Hey' and a meek wave. Both were hiding their previous excitement behind cool demeanors.

Gabby made an annoyed face before tackling them both with flailing arms that wrapped around their necks, choking Bone slightly due to height differences. She stood on her tiptoes once he started to make exaggerated choking sounds. "Nice to see you douches again," she announced, tone full of warmth and familiarity, despite words of implied sarcasm.

"It's good to have you back," Iago said with a smile, muffled as his face was squished against her shoulder.

"I'm happy you finally decided to join us up here," Bone added genuinely after his coughing fit.

"Actually, I was just helping Eli push his jeep back up here. I can't believe that you guys are here too!"

Clare stood inside, watching from the doorway quietly. She fiddled with a scarf around her neck, looking quite unsure of what to do with herself. She was vibrating on the spot, clearly also affected by the excitement, but was containing it reasonably well.

Gabby walked closer to her, giving her a wide smile before saying, "What? Did I get so old that you don't even recognize me anymore? Come here!" She gestured for a hug and Clare took two steps before gently wrapping her arms around the waiting girl. Gabby could not allow that, so she tightened her grip and gave Clare the biggest hug so far.

"I've really,  _really_  missed you," Clare whispered so faintly that Gabby barely caught it.

"We'll catch up soon, I promise."

"That sounds good," Clare pulled back with a smile.

When Gabby turned around, she saw that Eli had already pushed the jeep back to his almost identical lodge. He was currently on the way back to the newly reunited group. 

"So, who have we here?"

"Eli, This is Sam, Clare, Iago and Bone Saw," Gabby introduced by gesturing to each as their names were spoken. They each gave a wave accordingly. "They're my best friends that I lost track of when the epidemic started. Guys, this is Eli." 

A chorus of 'nice to meet you's and 'hey man's simultaneously greeted the stranger. 

"It's nice to meet all of you. Well, Gabriella, what do you say to meeting my family now?"

"Oooh, meeting the family already huh? Way to go, Gabby!" Iago encouraged with a click of a tongue and the wink of an eye. 

"Shut up, it's not like that. He just offered for me to stay over for a night, I mean..." Seeing the immediate flush on her cheeks only spurred Iago to push further.

"Already spending the night! You sneaky girl," Iago continued teasing. That earned an elbow to his side from Bone. Regardless, he pitched his two cents too. 

"Did he even buy you dinner yet? He needs to at least buy you dinner first." That earned him a solid smack on the back of the head from Gabby.

"It's  _not like that!_ " Gabby defended, flustered. They fell easily into the banter of the early days. 

"It really isn't," Eli tried to explain alongside her.

"Now, now, no need to be shy," Iago said in a patronizing tone.

"You're welcome to stay here," Clare blurted out from beside Gabby. She managed to stop the banter, grounding everyone again.

"Yeah, seriously speaking, we thought you were going to stay with us," Bone added.

"That sounds awesome! It'll be like the sleepover I've always wanted to have!" Gabby bursted with energy, expression rivaling that of a five year old on Christmas morning. 

"But," Eli sounded, quietening her celebration.

"Thanks for the offer, Eli, but I think I'd feel more at home with my friends too," she said, vibrating with the excess excitement at the prospect of essentially moving out with her friends.

"Are we still leaving tomorrow?"

She froze for a split second, seeming to have forgotten the plan for the time being. "Yeah. Yeah we are," she replied quietly.

"Okay cool, see you tomorrow then," Eli said with a small wave while turning to walk back to his lodge. 

"What do you mean you're leaving tomorrow?" Sam asked.

"My family's still out there. I have to go find them."

"But you just got here, how are you going to find them if you're already so far away? Do you even know if they're still alive?" The mood dropped heavily, unspoken implications hanging heavily on all their shoulders.

"Yes. I believe they are. And I've made up my mind on leaving." Sam stared at the girl with disbelief, her height doing nothing to stunt the hardness of her gaze.

"We'll talk about this later, okay?" Iago interrupted their impromptu stand-off gently.

"For now, welcome to our humble abode," Bone Saw introduced in his best host voice. Although Bone was a man of little words, he secretly loved playing host for others, indulging in the way he could help others and obsessing over every detail to try and ensure maximum comfort of his guests.

"Lead the way then," Gabby said, turning away from Sam and walking ahead. Sam clenched her teeth and fists for a second before dropping into a tired state, giving up on the tension easily. She always hated confrontation.

Once inside, they sat around the dining room table. Gabriella talked of their trip to the countryside, how they made it to find dozens of survivors guarding their precious farmland, each brandishing a multitude of shotguns and pistols. Since vehicles became rarities, especially something as huge as an RV, they were met with menacing and power-hungry eyes. The families were all eager to welcome them to stay with them, too eager, it seemed. It only took five nights for things to turn to shit, as they found their lives threatened not by the undead, but rather the very living. That's when they decided that they would try to survive on the road until they found somewhere they could settle alone, eliminating the issue of trust. As much as Gabby loved her family, she did admit that they were starting to drive her crazy, being the only contact she had every second of every day for a promised eternity. She expressed her relief at finally finding old companions again. At that, Gabby glanced around the room. 

"So, where's the others?" There hid a tone of such innocence, as if she expected us to pop up from behind a corner so we could stop hiding from her as extra surprise.

"Well uhm.. " Iago started to stall, throwing Bonehead a look of distress.  _He knows what to expect. She's emotional, she won't be able to take it well, and he's afraid of upsetting her... But Zoe said..._

"The others have.." Bone started, just as unsure as he was the last time he delivered the news.  _He must have been scarred by Sam's previous reaction, so much so that he can't even fathom how the next two words will affect Gabby._

"The others died," Sam spoke up, rather bitterly.  _Just like ripping off a band-aid._ And perhaps it was because of her directness that Gabby only replied with a soft, "Oh. Okay."

They sat in silence for a while, each fiddling with their own fingers, letting the reality of the situation sink in. Moments later, Sam stood up and ran back to her room, angry thumps emerging from the room before all went still again. Gabby gave the group a look of questioning worry and was met with shrugs from the guys and a forced smile from Clare. She got up, the squeak of her chair scraping the ground, before she was faced with Sam once again.

"At least we're all still here. It's less than I imagined, but I'm glad you guys are still around for me to annoy with my loud, obnoxious laughs, and my constant chatter," Gabby spoke up, a small smile on her face.  _Still self-conscious about her laughing and talking, I see. It's what makes you so unique, silly._

Sam flashed her a smile, sniffling a little before mouthing a small 'thank you' before turning to the others. "Nah, I'm never going away, dude," she said with a laugh, flopping down in her chair. At the same time, Bonehead stood up to address the rooming problem.

"So there's 4 rooms in total, so I guess you can take my room. I'll go bunk with Iago."  _Oh you sneaky bastard, trying to get close to Iggly, I see._

After Gabby had settled in to Bone's old room, she joined them back in the dining area.

"Quick round of wish corruption for old time's sake, anyone?" Bone piped up.

A ripple of replies came back affirmative, and the screen faded out.

"It's lovely, isn't it? How her arrival can just, lighten up everything?"  _Yeah. She was always like a contagious ball of positivity and happiness. Who could resist smiling when she was around?_

"Well I better get back to them," she sighed out contently, hand in a wave before disappearing off into the distance.

 

* * *

 

Only about an hour or two later, Zoe showed up on the tree branch again. Her shoulders were slumped, sitting in a dejected demeanor, a complete 180 from the mood she left in. I couldn't quite convey 'What's wrong' so I just stared at her until she spoke. That took longer than I had expected.

"I'm sorry, I just... I... I guess I didn't expect this from Clare. She's always so quiet but she insists that she's okay, that she's having fun and I just assume so," she relayed, slightly breathless. "Who knew..." She stared off into space again.

"Helloooo, earth to Zoe!" I let out, a scratchy chain of groans undoubtedly hitting her eardrums, judging by the way she jumped on the branch.

"Sorry, here, watch."

The screen fizzled to Clare and Gabby on the couch, both with their hands cupped around near empty cups. They sat in silence, exchanging polite smiles from time to time. I noticed the screen flickering, growing hazy then clearing up repeatedly. Gabby finished the last sip of her drink before speaking up.

"So how have you been?"

"Alright, I guess."

"You guess? You need to tell me if there's something wrong, okay?"

"Well..." Clare began before shrugging it off. "It's really no big deal."

"Nothing is too small of a deal if my friends are involved, and I know you, you always underestimate the big-dealness of your problems," Gabby said with an encouraging smile, at which Clare returned with a smile of her own, though it looked to be more of a grimace.

"If you put it that way..." She let out a small sigh before continuing, "I never got to say goodbye," she whispered almost inaudibly into her cup. The sound reverberated off the edges and clung to my ears hauntingly.  _There's so many people I never got to say goodbye to, but I guess seeing them every day is like I never left._

"What?"

Clare looked up, startled, as if she forgot she wasn't alone. Her eyes were wide with fear as she just silently stared at Gabby.

"What did you say?"

"I said... I said I never got to say goodbye," she mumbled, clearly still hesitant about talking to anyone about it.

"To who?" While Clare did not respond right away, the question seemed to answer itself. _Her parents_ . 

"We were on our way out of town, hoping to figure it out on the road," she started hesitantly. "They thought it was foolish for me to want to follow my friends up to Alaska. Everyday it was, 'Sweetie, trust us, we're only trying to make sure you're safe. You're not ready for the outside yet. Although friends are fun to have, they will be the first to stab you in the back when they need to survive.' And everyday, I heard them make the same argument, even when I stopped telling them about how I wanted to go to Alaska. They took one look at my face and would repeat it, and I wondered if maybe I was making a sour face. I stared at myself in the mirror obsessively, trying to figure out what they saw that would make them say that all the time." She let out a long sigh. 

"Then one day I decided I was tired of trying to find something wrong with myself, I saw where listening to my parents led me: an empty road to nowhere. I stood up to them with the first genuine smile I had in ages, telling them that I was tired of being sheltered, that I was capable of a lot of things if they just gave me a chance. I told them that I was just as strong as any of my friends, asked them why all my friends could get the freedom to be their own person, but I couldn't. I asked them if they believed in me, and they nodded their heads eagerly. But when I asked them if I could go out to find some food with them, they just shook their heads. Something broke in me, and I...I..." Clare stuttered on, the phrase repeating over and over again in her attempt to voice the words. But the phrase stopped short at a simple 'I', the rest of the words silently circling in her mouth, as if gripping to the roof of her mouth, refusing to be sounded. 

"Hey, you don't have to tell me anything you're not ready to tell me," Gabby said as she placed a comforting arm across Clare's shoulders.

Clare closed her mouth and swallowed hard, forcing down the unspoken words as she seemed to ponder her next words. "I... yelled, legitimately shouted at them for the first time in my life. I told them how much I hated them, how they tried to control my every move, how they succeeded in secluding me from the people I wanted to develop strong relationships with, how I didn't feel like I could be normal for a day in my life. I told them that I would show them that I was perfectly capable without them, running off into the McDonald's we were parked near with a pistol in my back pocket and a dagger my dad kept on the right of the driver's seat. Of course I didn't really hate them, but I was just so mad. So I made a point to slam the door angrily as I left, and they seemed too stunned to move. When I came close to the restaurant, my mom snapped out an angry "You ungrateful daughter, you're not going..." and I never heard the rest of that sentence because my dad drove away. It was a little creepy, to not have my mom's voice around in the background. It was really silent, and I walked into the McDonald's hoping to find some food. I didn't know if this meant that I was officially on my own then, or if I would be meeting up with them somewhere. All I knew was that my mom needed to calm down, and I needed to prove myself. So I focused on not messing it up, but I guess she was right about me, I wasn't ready. While rummaging for food, I heard a groan behind me and turned to it with my dagger out, the other hand ready on my pistol. I did manage to get a few with the dagger, but it was a little too close for comfort, so I switched to the pistol. I didn't think to load the pistol with more than 2 bullets before leaving, I realized a little too late. As I reached to go for my dagger again, the zombie loomed in above me, but it suddenly dropped to the ground. I heard a crackle and a squelch before my mom was in front of me, reaching for my hand. I hesitated before reaching out too, but I flinched back when a zombie hurled itself at her, knocking her to the ground. I still don't know what happened in the few seconds it took for me to find myself connected to the zombie with a dagger."

I found my vision wavering insistently as it tried to focus on Clare's guilty face, flashes of pain pulsating across her face every few seconds. 

"It all happened so fast, Gabby. One second she was on the floor, giving me an appreciative smile, and the next she was up on her feet, rushing behind me. Suddenly I was pressed up against the soft drink machine, and her screaming was ringing in my ears. In the mess, I heard my dad yelling her name, yelling our names. There was so much noise that I couldn't understand, Gabby. Then I was grabbed, the wall to my right opening up as an arm tugged me through and took off sprinting. My lungs burned to run so far, so fast. The screams rang until it was drowned out by my own heartbeat. When we finally stopped, I saw that it was Sam that had tugged me away from all that. I'm not sure how much she saw, but I never explained anything to her, since she never explained much to me either. We were just grateful to be reunited." Clare gave a forced smile.

"I still hear their voices when I go to sleep," she sighed once again. I felt a chill go down my spine, cold seeping quickly into my bones.  _Strange, I haven't felt cold since I've become a zombie._ "I think about how disappointed they must be in me, especially after how they were there when my friends broke my heart. How they used to wrap me in their arms and reassure me that I had a life to rival theirs, how they would tell me that everything was going to turn out fine, that I would eventually find the people who truly care about me, like you," she said with a tiny reverent smile.  _Stupid, we do care. Sure, we're not the greatest at showing it, but we're not geniuses at friendship either. In fact, I'm pretty terrible with people in general. If you look like you're okay with it, we assume that that's just how you're okay with being treated. But believe me, we all feel the same way sometimes, and the wonderful happiness we project on social media, on the surface is matched with about double the pain underneath._

"I'm sure everyone cares about you just as much as I do, especially now. But I know you're shy so know that your secret's safe with me," Gabby said with a sincere smile, though tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. Although Clare's voice wavered with the tell-tale tone of an incoming breakdown throughout her story, her cheeks were surprisingly dry. 

"I just hate that I never got to say goodbye," she said, becoming increasingly quiet. "Or sorry," she muttered before the dam broke, and she tucked herself into Gabby's inviting arms. "Please stay a little longer, Gabby. Please," she near dropped to her knees to  _beg_ her to stay. 

"I..." I saw the beginnings of contemplation in Gabby's eyes, before she shook them away with a firm 'Okay.'

"Thank you," Clare managed to choke out before she let her body relax and truly gave into the sadness for the first time since the incident.

Their mutual crying sounded like it was coming from the open window of a train traveling through a tunnel. It cut in and out before fading completely, the sound of static deafening as Zoe stared blankly into the distance again, her fingertips still held out in front of her for the projection screen. An unwanted shiver ran through me again as a dull pain started in my gut. 

The pain grew sharper and sharper until it felt like an icy drill burrowing through my abdomen. 

My mind supplied sounds to enhance the experience, crisp chipping noises amongst the ringing of a drill. A pain started in my leg too, but that felt more like someone digging into my skin with a cold, blunt shovel.  _Something's not right. I'm not supposed to be able to feel any of this._  Another shiver wracked my body, closely followed by another.  _What the fuck._

A particularly hard stab of the drill had me screaming in pain.

"Oh! Sorry, I zoned out again. I'll get back to watching them so I can update you later," Zoe floated up to leave.

"Wait! Don't leave! Don't.."  _Don't leave me here, I'm scared I won't ever see you again._ Something nagged at the back of my head and told me that this was the absolute end. It told me that I was finally going to find out what death was like, and it might be something I expected years ago. It told me that I may not like it one bit. I felt my throat constricting around the air that I suddenly felt the need to inhale, the action unnatural after so long, a chipping sound coming from within my body as my lungs tried to be lungs again. The shivers grew more rapid in succession, my vision blurring even more with the motion, black spots willing themselves into existence, a pressure building behind my eyes, urging them to roll back. The sounds of screaming and gunshots ran through my head as runner after runner carried the blue and red flamed torch around, the occasional police siren piercing through the simultaneously hot and cold flashes.

Then silence.

No more pain, no more blurs, no more confusing sounds. For a minute, I was numb. I could see the Lilith tag clearly, the orange still bright in the night. I heard the hoot of a joyous owl, obviously having found something pleasant for dinner. I heard the start of an engine from far, far away, as glassware rattled in the trunk and a man hummed a happy tune as he drove. It was incredible, and I felt prickly warm with a little burn, like sitting by a fireplace after a long snowball fight without proper snow gear. I was happy to feel human again, even if for a little while. I was content to close my eyes and give in to the slight pressure lingering behind my eyes, smile plastered to my face as I drifted off to sleep.


	4. Tell Me How To Say Goodbye

"Sis, wake up."  _Iggly?_  

"Hey, wake up sis." Everything was a yellowish red as I felt my eyelids pulsate against the bright light. There was someone pushing on my shoulder incessantly. I rolled over and blinked my eyes open.

"Hey, you," Iago greeted softly with a smile. He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead before putting the back of his hand on it. He made a face, as if pondering something.

"How do you feel? You look a lot better now." I glanced around the room, realizing that I was back in my bed, in my own house!  _No way, was that all a dream?_

"Amazing!" I cried as I tugged him in for a tight hug. "I've missed you so much! I had this terrible dream that we were in the zombie apocalypse and we lost so many friends and  _I even died_ _!_  I'm so so so glad it was just a dream." Relief flowed through me, happy tears wouldn't stop streaming from my eyes, no matter how much I willed them to stop. I clung on to Iago tightly, afraid the nightmare would resume if I were to let him go. 

"Man, that fever really took you on a ride, didn't it?" I pulled away hesitantly, terrified of this reality shattering the moment I ceased contact.

"Yeah it did." I smiled like an idiot at Iggly, happy that nothing changed when I pulled away. My gut filled with warmth at the feeling of being  _home_ . "So why are you here? How did you get past my dad?" I asked, nudging him gently in the elbow. 

"Well I just... Well I... Actually, I'm not quite sure. I don't actually remember."  _Well that's strange_.

"What do you mean you don't remember?"

"I don't remember how I got here... I just remember sitting by your bed, waiting for you to wake up from your fever... but I can't seem to remember when or how I got here," he replied with genuine confusion on his face.

I scrambled out of my blankets and ran to open the bedroom door. A heavy feeling of dread settled into my bones, making me want to crawl back in bed and pretend all was well. _I wouldn't mind staying in bed forever. Anyways, Iggly's here to keep me company too, so I wouldn't be alone. Yes, we'll just stay here forever._  Outside the door was pure darkness, as my house looked at night. But there was clearly sunlight pouring from the window in the bedroom. When I turned back to face Iago, the bedroom was also suddenly plunged into night, as if the darkness drifted in once the door had been opened in invitation.  _At least it had the courtesy to turn the lights on._  

Iago was staring at the open doorway, mouth agape and expression clearly displaying the same dread I felt weighing me down, making my heart race and my lungs constrict. Iago shook his head, as if clearing it, before locking fingers with me and speaking again.

"I've missed you, I hope you know that. And I'm going to continue to miss you until we really meet again. I'm not sure where you are right now, if you're still a zombie or not. I like to remember you how you are right now, sleeping cutely and waking up with a smile. As much as it hurt me to watch Zoe go limp in my arms, I can't imagine how bad it was to shoot her. Thank you for that, by the way. And I hate that I couldn't do anything to make you feel less scared when you left us." It was like he drank a truth potion as all the emotions we rarely talked of came springing forth. His tone was dejected once more, a voice he developed as we lost friend after friend on our final adventure. My eyes were brimming with tears, a watery screen blotting out the clear image of him. 

"I... Zoe's doing fine," I blurted out, unsure of what else to say. He gave me a small, sincere smile.

"I'm glad to hear that." He looked down at our fingers as he stroked the side of my finger with his thumb.  _I'm going to miss your nervous habits._

"And... and she's fine with you and Bone Saw. She's glad you found some hope in all this desperation. She wants you to be happy, so I hope you hold on to him tight this time, alright?"

"Okay," he nodded eagerly, awkwardly letting out a breath.

The darkness was calling to me, telling me I had to go, pulling me towards the door. "Iggly, I don't know if I'll ever be back. I think I might actually be leaving forever now. Remember what I told you about death? I think it's happening. But I assure you, Zoe is in a better place, and she's watching over all of you. I hope you have a good rest of your life, please don't waste it away... I know it's hard in a time like this, but you have friends and you have love, more than I could ever wish to have now..." I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, he held on to my waist just as tight. "But it's the little mercies right? At least I get to say goodbye this time around, and I'm not scared, not yet." I pulled away with a kiss to his forehead and a tight smile. 

"See you later, Iggly." Tears streamed down my face in the same fashion as a few minutes ago, but this time they stung a salty path down my face. Every breath burned, every one threatened to be the last as I smothered all sound, throwing a wave behind me, before walking out the door.

"Later, sis," came his shout, a little muffled. It was peculiar that he never moved from his place during the whole conversation, as if he was glued down to one place. I didn't dare to look back to see if he had moved to send me off.  _Goodbye, Iggly._

I walked into the bathroom to catch a break, to find that it wasn't my bathroom. It looked more like a trailer bathroom. Inside, Clare was stood in front of the bathroom mirror, carefully scanning over her image repeatedly. 

"Jesus!" I yelled to catch her attention. "You scared me."

"How did you find me?" she looked back at me through the mirror, clearly surprised and slightly ecstatic.

"I uh... it's kind of hard to explain. See, I'm not even quite sure how-"

Darkness slipped from the open doorway and the whole room dimmed significantly. She reacted as Iago had, mouth agape, spirits downed with a shake of the head. 

"I thought you died! Looks like the guys have some explaining to do. What a terrible joke to play on all of us."

"I'm actually... I... I'm here to say goodbye, actually."  _I get it now. This is my last chance, right?_

"Oh..." Clare's face dropped.

"I'm not going to lie, we don't know each other as much as I'd like, at least. But I want you to believe in yourself from now on, do what makes you happy, because it doesn't really matter  _when_  you die, I think, it matters  _if_  you died in happiness. And between you and me, I think you'll get all the goodbyes you deserve eventually."  _They're probably both still zombies, without a means to visit you at least one last time._  I tried to give her a wink, but it only succeeded to squeeze more tears from my eyes.

She stood speechless, finally croaking a 'Thank you' into the mirror, seemingly unable to make direct eye contact with me. 

I gave her a hug before leaving with a quick 'Goodbye'.

The doorbell rang. I rushed down the stairs to answer the door. There stood Bone Saw, dressed in his puffy winter attire. 

"You called?" he asked as he opened his arms for an invitation that came around as rarely as seeing a penguin in the sky. I didn't hesitate to throw myself into his arms, tired of this journey I've been on, since that day on the swing set. Thinking about it, it felt like years ago that I had been so carefree. I let myself breakdown in the warmth that wrapped around me while it lasted. "Extremely rough day, huh? You look like you've been through hell."

"You have no idea." I could hear his heartbeat from my position, steady and taking its time, grounding me for a while. I only had time to smile before it grew erratic and I felt the heavy darkness crowd over the both of us. He shook me from his grip, as if I had burned him.

"What the-"

"Are you a zombie?!" he asked, tone laced with genuine fear.

"No, I'm pretty human right now." I let out a little chuckle, despite my sniffling nose.

"How've you been recently?"

"I've been managing. Trying to keep up to date on your guys' lives with Zoe."

"You've talked to Zoe?" he asked, face blanching at her name. There was an innate fear that resided in him when it came to even a mention of her.

"Yeah, she's a beautiful angel now," I said with a smile as I felt him grow uneasy. "Don't worry, she's rooting for you and Iago."  _Even if it still hurts her inside sometimes, but I guess if she never admits it, I can't be one to broadcast her thoughts._

"Really?" he asked, letting out a breath similar to the one Iago had _._

"Yes. You're so full of questions today. Now, as much as I'd like to play 20 questions with you again, I have to go soon. Thanks for everything, Bonehead. Thanks for helping ground me all that time. And thanks for being a softie under that stiff corpse you play."

"You're... welcome?" 

"Goddammit, Bonehead. Stop with the questions!" He laughed at that, the unique sound bringing such nostalgia and warmth to my heart as I laughed along. I stored it carefully into my mental box of 'sounds I should never forget'. 

"No?"

"Take care of yourself, seriously. And keep an eye on Iago for me, don't let him get into too much trouble," I nagged one last time.

"Thanks, you too." Although it didn't make much sense, I knew he meant to give me his best wishes in the most efficient, breath saving way. _Typical Bone, I'm going to miss you too._

"That doesn't even-"

"Look, I gotta go," he cut off. It surprised me a bit that he had felt the need to leave before I did. 

"Okay, bye.. I guess." 

With that, I closed the door and walked away from it for the last time. "Goodbye!" his voice filtered in through the crack with the last few slivers of air. I sat down on the bottom steps of the stairs and allowed the sadness to pour out from within me, unable to carry my own feet up the stairs with how heavy the fear settled in my guts and on my entire being, how I imagine being sat on by a giant would feel like. 

In due time, I walked back upstairs to the room next to mine, curious to see if my electronics would still be there waiting for me. A part of me ached to update my social media one last time. I was greeted by the dollar store that was owned by Gabby's parents. Walking in, the familiar bell dinged, the jingle crisp and cheerful.

"Welcome to- hey Elisa!" Gabby waved from behind the counter on the left.

"Hey Gabby!" I greeted with as much of a smile as I could muster as I approached her, fingertips dragging through the various small nicknacks on the shelves. I toyed with the wind chimes by the register as she started telling me about her day.

"...and then the guy just walked right out, telling me that I could  _deliver_  the dice to him! Like who does he think he is? Who does he think we are? We're not a freaking restaurant, why would we  _deliver_ ?" She does a cute nose scrunch. "I mean yeah, I  _can_  drive and I  _do_ know my way around, but that doesn't mean we do deliveries, especially not for something as small as a _dice_ ! He's obviously just being an asshole, but I couldn't just say 'Hey douchebag, just suck it up and put it in your pocket!' because 'The customer is always right'." She pauses to roll her eyes before continuing. I loved just listening to her talk. It reminded me of how great normal was, how happy a random rant could be.  _I wouldn't mind spending forever here either._

"... Anyways, I've been talking too much again. What's up?" And I suddenly remembered why I was here, disappointment seeping in along with the darkness, having been lost in the pleasantries of mundane conversation.

Gabriella shook her head, though her appearance didn't suffer a drastic change as the others did. She only looked slightly more tired and the corner of her mouth dipped a little lower than usual, but there was still a bright smile on her face.  _How does she do it? How does she smile through all of this?_

She stared at me expectantly, as if waiting for an answer.  _Oh, she still wants to know 'What's up'._

"Nothing too much. Just really miss you."

"I miss you too! How are you?" She remained cheerful, positivity hitting me in waves, and visibly fending off many waves of darkness.

"I could be better, but I've learned to take what I can now. You?"

"Could be better too, but I'm glad I found everyone again! Is Zoe with you too?" She craned her neck to look behind me curiously.

"No, not today." I couldn't promise her anything. I didn't even know how I was here.

"Oh.." she let out, a little disappointedly. "That's alright, she'll come around one day, I'm sure of it."

"Yeah..."  _How? How do you have so much optimism?_

"Hey Gabby..." 

"Yes?" She looked back at me expectantly, pleasant smile on her face.

"Never stop being you. You bring a lot of happiness to this world. While you can be a little intense when you're upset, but that's what they mean when they say that there's a balance to everything in nature. My advice to help that though, don't take everything too seriously, and you'll be just fine." For the fourth time, my eyes were warm with moisture, but for her, I tried to smile just as bright.  _Balance._

"Thanks, never stop being an awesome possum either, Elisa!" 

I gave her a firm nod in response, both our fists pumped as motivation for each other. I walked behind the counter, giving her a tight hug and breathing her scent deeply, treasuring the sweet smell of flowers she always carried with her. 

"Bye Gabby..."

"Bye Elisa!"

I left with a smile plastered to my face, hoping to God that it wouldn't peel off like a band-aid in the rain once I crossed the threshold. 

I walked into the next room, the hallway conjoining the rooms no longer familiar to me. As I stepped into the next room over, I heard the faint mewl of a kitten.

There sat Sam, amongst a 3 week old litter of kittens. Each with a different colour, it was a unique litter, to say the least.

"Hey wifey," I greeted as I walked in and crouched behind her, arms wrapping tightly around her.

"Hello waif," she said in return. 

"How are the kittens?" I asked, reaching out to stroke one closest to me. The fur was extremely soft, and it mewled before squirming out from underneath my fingers. I pouted a bit.

"Pretty well, they're growing stronger by the day." 

"I can see how much faster they are at running away from me now." I fell easily into the conversation.

One of the black kittens suddenly pounced towards my arm, and I felt my faraway mind being tugged back to the reality of the situation. The black kitten came toward my fingers and as I came into contact, it disintegrated into ashes that blew away in a sudden cold wind. The other five kittens had turned black as they continued to circle Sam. She grew limp in my arms after a shiver ran through her.

"Hey you okay?" I asked, still holding tight to her.

"Yeah. Elisa?" She stiffened in my arms, but didn't pull away.

"Yupp." I tried for a smile, but it didn't quite come across.

"Oh, hi," she replied with a smile, relaxing into me. I, however, felt the darkness urging me to go.  _It wouldn't dare cut me off short, would it? Better not take chances._

"Hey," I greeted again, gently. "Look, I don't have much time left, so I'll just do most of the talking. Isn't it ironic that  _I'm_  supposed to be the quiet one in this relationship? Hahaha," I fake laughed very stiffly before continuing on the same breath. "But what I just wanted to say was that... I'm sorry. I'm sorry it worked out this way. I want you to know that Zoe is doing really well right now, she's sooo pretty, being an angel up there." I pointed upwards. "If you ever want to find her, just look for the light... But she's really worried about you, as am I. Maybe it's time to open up to someone else in the group? I think where the group is at right now, we're pretty safe, don't you worry about losing another person you trust. Also, Zoe's okay with the new relationship, so don't give them too terrible of a time, yeah? Because I know you can cause a lot of damage if you really try. But I'm truly sorry to have left you to your own devices, maybe Zoe can make it up to you for the both of us."  _Since I won't be there when you finally do die, hopefully of old age._

"Why not both of you?"

"I don't really know how to answer that. It's just a gut feeling, I guess."

"I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Yeah, hopefully."  _I didn't have the heart to tell her._  Trying to transfer her attention from my blatant lie, I tried to lighten the mood. "On a side note, you look fucking hot with those axes. Now all you really need is a combat skirt," I smirked, hard enough that she felt it against her ear. A chuckle bubbled up in her throat and I felt her warmth wrap around all my senses. The vibrations of her vocal chords, the joyous sound, the faint smell of her, the quirk of lips as she turned her face to look at me, and it made my head dizzy as my mind was fixated on the fact that I was still missing one sense - taste.

"I'll miss you." The simple words unlocked a desire I never recognized as I moved to cup her cheek with a gentle hand and pressed my lips against hers, tasting a hint of orange, senses finally feeling complete. I pulled away slowly, afraid of her reaction, more afraid of my own. When she did nothing but stare in shock, I decided to speak again. 

"Thank you for staying by my side, I'm happy for all the adventures we've had, big and small. I wish I could continue to have adventures with you, I wish you could walk me out and accompany me on my final journey, but I know for a fact you can't stand up from this position." To prove it to her, I retreated from her body, allowing her space to stand up. She pushed uselessly against the floor with her arms, willing herself to stand, but her legs refused to move. I knelt back down next to her, cupping her cheeks in my hands this time. "Call it a greedy gesture, or a selfish one, but I want to know, will you, Sam Beckett, take one last adventure with me?" She gave a small nod, seeming to understand my request. I removed her glasses from her face, staring into her eyes, a glimmering hazel tinted with a slight green. I pressed my forehead to hers, mumbling a 'Thank you' against her lips. I lingered there, suddenly unsure of myself, unsure if she really wanted this. It was as if someone muted the world when I felt a strong hand against the back of my head, closing the small gap between our lips immediately. In that moment, it was simultaneously as simple as a soft connection of lips, and as complicated as passion bursting at the seams, flashes of the better days playing behind my eyelids as they sealed shut in an attempt to just  _feel_  a bliss I had long forgotten.

The darkness tugged at the images, the memories, burning charred black holes.  _Okay okay, I know, it's time to go. One last sentence, I promise, please._

I pulled away from her slightly, a mixture of happiness and sadness hanging on the corners of my eyes. My fingers refused to leave her shoulders, my forehead glued to hers as I whispered, "Goodbye, love."It was near silent, hoping that she would be the only one to hear the words, hoping they would escape the darkness.  _But Elisa, a promise is a promise._

And just like that, the darkness pulled me away from her, as suffocating feelings took over, trying extremely hard to incorporate themselves into the moisture, rendering the tears a bitter, basic solution, slipping down my cheeks in burning streaks. They didn't succeed in escaping my body as my throat threatened to close up, the millions of words I wanted to leave to the world all silenced in my desperate gasping alongside all the horrified screams that lingered like ghosts butting up against my lungs. Her scream rang fresher and brighter than the rest as I felt my heart crackling on the edges before shattering completely. _Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry for leaving you behind like this._

I was dropped back into a new hallway, the door to Sam's closing with finality behind me. The hallway had condensed to one door at the very end. Each step I took towards the door felt like an additional stone of dread in my gut, another inch of restraint on my throat. I felt panic at the edges of my consciousness, as I felt myself slipping, childhood memories slipping away like the sand in an hourglass. No, really, there was an hourglass. I watched each memory fall through the small glass hole, into the abyss of oblivion. I reached out and touched the cool glass, made a flipping gesture, but it didn't budge. I became more and more desperate in trying to turn back the sands of time, watching each sentimental moment of my life drop away from me, finding it hard to remember going to elementary school. I couldn't remember what my house looked like, what the street I grew up on looked like. I wasn't sure if there even existed such places. And when the last little speck of dust passed through, I wasn't sure who I was exactly. All I heard was a peculiar laugh, that was infectious enough to make me giggle along with it, the little hiccups of laughter growing more frantic and more frequent than the tears dropping from my eyes. I saw a beautiful figure gliding in the air, pointing to the door. The smell of flowers wrapped around me, the taste of oranges lingered on my lips. As I walked towards the door, phantom fingers locked into mine, giving me a squeeze before I opened the door. 

The senses ceased. It's like I never lived at all, here I am, reading the last few lines of my one time, unrepeatable story. For me, I will never be awake to see another sight, hear another sound, smell another aroma, taste another flavour, feel another thing - nothing exists for the rest of eternity.

And strangely, stepping through, I'm perfectly fine with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the first person POV officially ends.


	5. Tell Me How To Deal With Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Commence third person omniscient :P

Sam Beckett had always been cautious with love, careful to act in equal indifference to any and all others. Love was a weakness that would only come back to hurt her, she knew. Today was just the proof she needed.

Sam was aware of a ringing in her ear, persistent and hurting her from the inside. Desperate pleas ached to escape from her heart, reduced to barely coherent mumbles as she was pulled into a sitting position after her initial collapse. She bunched her hands into the rug, clinging to it as if it would bring Elisa back, as if it would transport her back by mere minutes. She felt the darkness pulling her away, grabbing her by the hair and yanking her in differing directions, internal turmoils tearing through the well sown fabric of darkness that loomed around her. They relented from her hair, finding interest in places of firmer grasps, the shoulders, the wrists, even the neck. She clawed at shadows that clenched tighter with every move, pain blossoming every time they tightened their grip. Though she refused to cry, refused to show weakness to the monsters that lurked there, she knew that she was indeed crying, wetness splashing over her wounds as every drop of salty water brought a sizzling, burning pain. 

Distantly, she heard the door to her room burst open, but she couldn't bring herself to care. The hands around her neck tightened and she heard a small part of herself surrender, whispering 'take me to her' in a tired voice. The rest thrashed against the abuse, refusing through sputters and clogged sniffles. She heard quiet voices of concern, she felt various pressures on her body, yet none of them registered as real. The darkness pinned her arms down to the reddish-purple rug. She refused to go down without a fight, legs thrashing to hit anything in hopes of making a difference. 

"Sam! Sam! Can you-"

She suddenly heard Gabby's voice through the cloudy darkness and she quit kicking, wishing desperately for some quiet so she could actually differentiate. If only the blood would stop rushing in her ears, illuminating every pulse of her heart. 

"Sorry."

"Sam!"

_"I'm sorry."_

"Listen - "

_"I'm sorry."_

"Sam!"

_"I'm so so -"_

"Listen to me!"

_"-sorry-"_

"Can you hear-"

_"- for leaving you - "_

"- me? Please start -"

" _\- behind like - "_

"- breathing!"

_"- this."_

"Breathe, Sam, breathe! Please!" Gabby's voice was laced with panic, alongside that of Elisa's.

Taking a giant gasp of air, Sam startled awake. Her tired and wet eyes shot open, bloodshot and bewildered. The entire group was in her bedroom, looking as startled as her. They collectively breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of Sam's open eyes. Arms were instantly around her as both grips on her wrists disappeared. There were sounds that rang in her ears, but none of them registered as words. She pulled away, cradling her wrists near her chest, requesting to be alone. 

Because Sam Beckett understood. She knew full well that her heart had already been infiltrated, but she refused to leave it open like an unhinged door, in invitation for people to trample through like  _she_  did.

 

* * *

 

Bone Saw woke to the sounds of sniffling and soft whimpers originating from the smaller male curled up against his chest. Pulled from his sleep prematurely, his head was cloudy and heavy, like he hadn't slept at all the night before. Instinctively, he reached a hand out to stroke the hair of the man crying against his chest, just listening to the hiccup of each breath. He had the strangest dream, it was as if he were sent to an alternate reality for a brief few minutes, before the sounds of Iago's sorrow pulled him back from the endless pit of darkness. While he had been wrapped around Iago all night, he couldn't help but think Elisa was really there. It seemed more like a memory than a dream, the night that he offered her comfort still crystal clear in his mind; he archived it as the night he softened, the night he learned to show compassion towards non-romantic loves too. It puzzled him to no end how his brain could fabricate something so... real. He wondered if it was just his extreme need to relieve the guilt of dating a dead friend's boyfriend. 

He pressed a gentle kiss to Iago's forehead before returning to stroking his hair slowly, fingers gently smoothing out the obscure knots in the curly mop of hair. He took a deep breath before he asked, "Another Zoe nightmare?" He couldn't help feeling a small pang of jealousy, and a large pang of guilt at the prospect of Iago  _still_  having nightmares about Zoe. He hadn't had a nightmare about her in a really long time. "It's okay, you're okay. It was just a dream." Another kiss pressed into the sea of endless curls. He wasn't quite sure who he was trying to convince with those words. "She's a beautiful angel now," he echoed the very words that came from the mouth of an old friend. He hoped Iago would believe the small hoax, because they both knew angels were just fictional creatures created to ease the minds of the living.

"No..no...," came a small voice through the sniffles. "Elisa."

Bone Saw's eyes widened at the one name, hands freezing momentarily amongst the curls, his entire person going stiff as Iago continued.

"I was so happy to see her wake up from her fever, like I did the spring of eleventh grade. She seemed so happy to be awake. And then I remembered about this, about this game we used to want to play so fucking badly, the cool, badass life we wanted so fucking badly. And then suddenly she was crying for a completely different reason, she looked utterly terrified and I couldn't do anything, Bone. Do you know what it feels like? To see someone hurting and not be able to help them at all?" Bone shook his head, even though Iago wasn't looking. He wiped the tears from his eyes with two swipes of the thumbs. "I thought it was painful when she would have her panic attacks, but this was somehow so much scarier. I couldn't move from my spot, so as much as I wanted to run after her and pull her back to us, I couldn't." He paused for a while, pondering. "It's weird how real it felt, like it wasn't just a memory, but I was reliving the moment..." He went silent again. Bone waited patiently, his mind gradually slipping back towards sleep.

"I'm glad we got to say goodbye though, even if it was just a dream. And knowing that Zoe is possibly fine with us dating is a bigger relief than I could have ever imagined."  
  
Bone's eyes snapped open at the mention of Zoe. It was the last sentence that convinced Bone Saw that it wasn't just a simple dream he had. Yet before he could get a word out, warm lips were on his, full of gratitude and relief. A shriek pierced the calm morning air. Both guys jumped from the bed immediately, grabbing warmer clothing and a weapon for defense. Bone gave Iago a quick peck on the lips for good luck, followed by a hurried exchange of 'I love you's before they prepared for the worst.

 

* * *

 

Gabby sat up in bed feeling a disturbing peace about her, like the calm before the storm, so to speak. Though there were tears in her eyes, she was honestly quite content to have had the chanceto say goodbye to one of her best friends. Gabriella Socratous had always been a very grateful person, she believed that everything happened for a reason, and that helped her be a much more optimistic person. She didn't care to dwell upon sadness for too long - she knew that it would lead to a lot of unneeded negativity surrounding her own self image. Of course, that ledmany people to believe that she also didn't care about how she was treated, because in the end, they would always get a smile from her.  _  
  
_She clasped her hands together and sat with her legs crossed. _Criss cross applesauce_ , her inner child rang as a reminder, making her lips curve up in a gentle smile. Facing the window, she made a quick cross before closing her eyes and whispering soundlessly into her fingers.  _Good morning God._ Ever since she was young, she firmly believed that God was her friend, though an almighty creator of the universe, she believed He was someone who would look out for her best interests. She believed he would always lead her on the path she was meant to take, and that's why everything happened for a reason. And so, she always greeted Him with friendliness and respect instead of the rigid words designated for prayer, because she felt like she was borrowing words and somehow, it just didn't feel genuine. She had worship etched deep into her heart, but rarely in her words. She knew He knew, she put her very soul into every prayer, after all. _Thank You for granting me another day in this beautiful world. Although I would _love to wake up to a world before zombies were an actual concern, I'm thankful for being reunited with people I care about. I'm glad you sent Elisa my way to say an actual goodbye that wasn't cut short.__ _I hope to gain the stren-_  
  
A scream pulled her out of her morning prayer. It was full of pain and fear, making her skin crawl with a sense of danger. She hurriedly wrapped up her prayer, rushing hushed words such as 'got to go', 'please let it be a false alarm', before running from her bed and out the door, forgetting to arm herself with a weapon.  
  
When the hallway was in view, she saw the two boys opening the door to Sam's room with more force than necessary. The screaming had come from Sam, and it hadceased to small sputters. Her skin was red and raw around her shoulders, wrists and neck, her tears were dripping down her neck in yellowed streaks, after intermingling with the blood of a particularly deep wound. Strings of hair clung to the sheets while others were still descending, dancing in the air to the rhythm of her frantic movements. Gabby was stunned by the scene for a moment, enough of a moment for Sam to wrap both hands around her neck, tightly squeezing and pushing herself back against the mattress. She quickly started gasping for breath around her self-inflicted choke hold. When Sam's action finally registered, Gabby rushed to uncurl her fingers from her neck, taking one hand and pinning it down to the sheets, while Iago acted quickly in grabbing the other freed hand and pinning it down in the same fashion. Sam started shaking her head and kicking furiously, one leg stuck under the blanket, each kick strong enough to cause severe internal bleeding to anyone unfortunate enough to be within striking radius. Clare appeared in the doorway, colliding with Bone Saw, mouth agape when she saw the condition Sam was in.  
  
"Sam! Sam! Can you hear me? Breathe! Breathe, Sam, breathe!" Gabriella yelled next to her ear desperately, hoping she could get to her. Though there were no longer fingers around her neck, her breathing was still panicked and irregular. "Sam! Stop it! Stop kicking!" It didn't seem to work, but she didn't know what else to do. A look up at Iago proved that he was feeling just as helpless.  _Guess it's up to me. Please God, have my back and help me get through to her._  
  
"Sam! Listen to me!" Sam's ear tilted slightly towards Gabby and her movements paused briefly. A renewed hope started in Gabby's heart.

"Sam! Can you hear me?" Sam's head resumed to its frantic shaking with breathing to match. At this point, everyone joined in on the yelling, hoping the volume would bring her from her self-destructive slumber.

"Listen to me! Can you hear me? Please start breathing!" Sam's face was past the point of red, almost purpling and it scared the living shit out of Gabby and everyone around her. 

"No, you're not fucking dying on us. Breathe, Sam, breathe! Please!" Gabby's voice was nothing short of pleading, tears spilling from her eyes as she momentarily forgot how to be optimistic, suddenly faced with the possibility of her friend dying right before her eyes because her brain coincidentally forgot how to do anything other than yell.   
  
Gabby saw Sam take in a huge gulp of air before she heard it, saw her eyes shoot open before feeling her presence against her shoulders and chest. She gave a great sigh along with the others that were just as panicked as she was. Iago let go of Sam's wrist when he was sure she wasn't going to start again.   
  
"You had us so worried," Gabby was the first to whisper in the sudden silence.

"Yeah, what happened?" Iago asked, throwing Bone Saw a dirty look when he was met with a slap from him.  
  
"Do you have to be that direct? You have to be considerate of her, she probably doesn't want to talk about it just yet."

"Yeah, are you okay, Sam?" Clare asked while stepping forward.  
  
"You alright?" Gabby asked with concern, as Sam was unnervingly quiet. When she pulled away from Sam, she was met with an empty stare that wasn't directed at anyone in the room. Upon release, Sam cradled her own wrists to her chest.

"I just need to be alone for a while right now," Sam finally croaked, throat feeling dry and raw, vocal chords trying to adjust to the pain of the foreign feeling of soreness there. It wasn't the feeling of yelling too much at a concert, more like persistent sandpaper on the walls of her throat every time she tried to make a sound.

"But - "

" _Please_." Sam's tone of desperation shut everyone up, except Gabby.  
  
"At least let us fix up your wounds." Sam looked at her with a look of complete confusion, as if she thought Gabby had lost her mind. Gabby swiped a finger across a cut along her jawline that was particularly deep. When her finger came up tainted with a maroon red, the blood quickly oxidizing in the air, Sam's eyes grew wide with surprise and disbelief, swiping quickly at the spot herself, coming up with a crisper red.   
  
"See, you need some medical attention. We'll leave you alone after we get you all patched up, okay?"  
  
Sam gave a meek nod before lifting her head for easier access.

 

* * *

 

_Goodbye love._ The words were fresh, drifting from her memory to run a violent stripe of shivers down her entire body before wrapping around her bones, making themselves at home. She pressed her fingers against her lips, where Elisa's had seemed to fit so perfectly. _Don't leave me, please don't leave yet. Don't leave, please don't leave._ She whispered the mantra, hoping it would cast a spell and reverse the past few months, hoping she could get an earnest shot at the relationship she didn't even know she wanted.

Being taught to always put herself aside and put the ones she loved first, she hoped that one day, she would find someone who could put her first for once. Now that she finally found them, she couldn't just give up on it now, especially since there weren't many chances of her ever finding someone to reciprocate her love in the messy remains of the world _._ But how could she bring someone back from the dead?  _It's not like we don't have enough zombies on this planet already, do I really **still** want to raise the dead so she can come and eat me alive? _ She gave a bitter smirk at the thought, Life was never fair, and she never expected it to be. But it didn't stop her from thinking that she was dealt a hand of shitty burn cards.

She sat in the same position all day, ignoring the tears slowly trickling down her cheeks, soaking the bandages and causing slight burns in her skin. She hummed a soft tune that Elisa used to sing in a small voice when she thought no one was listening.  _I heard you._   _I heard you loud and clear. I don't think I was the only one, but maybe I was._ There was a numbness in her chest as she played the dream over and over in her head. Little moments of their adventures, big and small, suddenly held more meaning. Every night spent discussing their wildest ideas, every bright laugh shared over morbid jokes and amusing videos, every step walked in worn soles and cruel weather, territory new and old, clasped hands, tired faces against supportive shoulders and stolen looks... they painted a picture she couldn't see before - Love. This was love. Love in the way she would define it. She was looking too hard for the classic sappy signs, but the reality was that they didn't exist in the same magnitude as on television. Of course she would like to experience it sometime, but it would honestly make her extremely uncomfortable if she could only describe her relationship as "lovey-dovey". She wanted the comfortable kind of love, no real expectations, just a partner for adventure, someone to share the time on this planet with. 

Sam Beckett had always been cautious with love, careful to act in equal indifference to any and all others. Love was a weakness that would only come back to hurt her, but she was glad that she had a chance to experience it, and keep the irreplicable memories that still belonged to her. There was a sudden peace that replaced the anger in her heart. After all,  _it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all, right?_  

 

* * *

 

Zoe hurried back to the tree where Elisa sat after witnessing the commotion with Sam. Upon seeing the slowly decaying body under the tree, she breathed out a sigh of relief. Lately, Elisa had been pretty loud at times. Zoe noticed that she had been having trouble seeing for a while now, and her hearing seemed to have deteriorated significantly in the past week as well - if the cocked heads were any indication. But despite that, Elisa had always seemed to be eagerly waiting for her with the latest news from the bunch in the lodge. Today however, Elisa did not seem to notice her at all.

"Elisa?" Zoe called to her tentatively as she sat down in her usual spot on the branch. Despite being extremely uncomfortable, the branch was a good place to project from, and about the only place she could find some good balance. "Hey, Elisa?" she tried again when there was no response, no movement at all from her friend below her. Floating down from the branch, she crouched in front of her to investigate.  
  
Gasping, she realized that her friend's eyes were closed for once. She couldn't recall seeing zombie Elisa with her eyes closed before.  _Maybe she's just sleeping? Probably didn't expect me to be back so early.  
_

"ELISAAAAA, WAKE UP, I'M BACK WITH IMPORTANT THINGS TO TELL YOU," she yelled in another attempt to wake her from her slumber. The body before still made no movements, not even a tiny twitch of the muscle to signal that she had registered the phrase.In an act of desperate anger, Zoe grabbed onto Elisa and shook her by her shoulders. To her surprise, she could actually grab her.  _What? I'm not_ _phasing through her? Does this mean...? No! She can't leave, I need her company.. I need.._ Realizing what this meant, she returned to the space ofangels. 

She was immediately greeted with bright smiles and happy faces. She hadn't been back here in a while, opting to travel between the lodge and the tree constantly. Since there was no  _need_ for sleep, she just didn't sleep. She pushed through the crowds of new angels reuniting with their families and loved ones, calling to Elisa, growing more panicked as time passed.Tears of frustration were threatening to make an appearance as each and every happy face that didn't belong to her friend passed by. She felt increasingly angered by the happiness of the strangers around her, as if they were mocking her loss. After what seemed like hours, she finally returned to Earth, collapsing on the ground. She let out a short burst of tears before working to drag her friend's body up from its frozen disposition. Redirecting the light around Elisa with one hand and wiping tears with the other, she melted the ice around her. Pulling her out, she transported them both back into the world of angels. _Even if she can't be an angel, I can find her a good resting place._

She searched for Elisa's family, finding them in a neighbourhood that looked quite similar to the one they used to live in on Earth. Though as she passed next to the window, it sounded a lot more crowded and busy inside.  _I guess I'll let them know after I've dug the grave._  She dug a simple grave in the backyard, materializing a bouquet of small flowers much like the ones her body lived amongst behind the cabin where she took her final breath. Looking at the grave, she couldn't help but wonder where Elisa had gone. So far, she had only heard of people becoming angels or the undead. While there were classes of angels (determined by the purity of intentions in their previous life), they still all lived in the same space. Unless Elisa was purposely avoiding her, there was no explanation as to why she wasn't  _here_. Shaking herself out of the trance, she pulled up a translator and began typing out what she wanted to say to her family.

 

* * *

 

Zoe returned to Earth when darkness had fallen. Worried about her best friend, she went straight to Sam's room, finding that she had barely moved from the position she held when Zoe had left to tell Elisa about the events of the morning. Finding it a little hard to see Sam's expression, she blew on the light in the room, catching a glimpse of her mood as the light flickered and went out again. 

"Zoe?" Zoe froze when she heard the voice call her name. "Is that you?" Sam's voiced braved the dark emptiness of the room. Zoe was stunned, unsure of how to react.  _Can she see me now? Has something changed about_ _ **me**_ **** _?_

"Elisa said to look for the light if I wanted to find you." Zoe was still frozen, stunned that Elisa would mention something like that to Sam when she clearly had a lot more to accomplish with Sam. "Can you just, do something to let me know you're here? Because I feel like a fucking psycho talking to an empty room. Just turn the light on or something."  
  
Zoe did as she was told, generating a bulb of light and pressing it into the light fixture.

"Wow, so you're really here. I've missed you...well, I guess you've been here all along," Sam said, with a surprisingly light-hearted chuckle. A sort of relaxed peace fell between them as Sam said nothing more, just staring fondly at the light on the ceiling.

"Come sit with me," she said, scooting over on the bed and patting the space next to her aimlessly. Little did she know, Zoe had already settled there, before her hand came down on the mattress the first time. "You better be sitting right next to me, don't make me feel crazier than I already do!" She settled down again, Zoe leaning her head into Sam's shoulder, even if she was technically just hovering over it. Sam took a deep breath.

"First of all, you're a fucking bitch and I hate you for dying on me." Zoe grimaced at the name, but knew she didn't really mean it. "Second, if you see Elisa, tell her she's also a fucking bitch for playing with my goddamn feelings and leaving me with this shit. Then tell her that I love her and wish we could have had more time to be something and then give her a kiss from me. Well, don't  _actually_  kiss her, just you know, say: 'Hey, you remember Sam? Yeah the one you left all alone on Earth after you violated her lips with yours in her dream after being a fucking bitch ass jerk and kicking the bucket before she could find you and the others again? Well she sends you a kiss.' Yeah, that sounds about right," she rambled on with sad eyes and a playful smirk. 

They fell into another bout of silence, Zoe waiting to listen patiently. "I hope you're doing well, Zoe. The few months I spent alone in the zombie outbreak were the hardest of my life. I still don't know where my mom is, I hope she's okay still. Getting back together with everyone was exciting, but it was still missing something. Maybe I was waiting on a goodbye, or I just needed to recognize what it was that I felt for you and Elisa, but I feel like things... might start being okay. Is... Is Elisa here? Turn off the light if she is." Zoe made no move. "Okay that might have been a terrible idea. I don't even know if you're still in here. Just turn off the light if she isn't here." Zoe blew the light out.

"Oh," she uttered, slightly disappointed. "Do you think she'll visit me in my dreams again?" Sam asked optimistically, but rhetorically. "I hope she does..." More silence.

"Zoe?" Zoe caused a spark of light to signal her presence. "Do you think, you could maybe..stay for the night? One flicker for yes, two for no." Zoe couldn't be happier to give the light one little flicker before wrapping herself around Sam, who laid down after confirming there was only going to be one flicker.

"Thanks," Sam said with a sincere smile. Elisa never did visit her in her dreams anymore, but sometimes Zoe did, talking idly about things that didn't really have any relevance, but it was certainly welcomed company.


	6. Tell Us Who They Are (Tell You The Power Of Eggs)

Gabby woke up early the next morning to another peaceful feeling, although this time, there was no sense of foreboding accompanying it. The day before passed in silence after the events of the morning, as they all sat around the table in uneasy silence. No one dared to bother Sam after leaving her to process her feelings by herself. Iago was uncharacteristically quiet, and she caught Bone Saw shooting him a lot of concerned glances. She felt like she was somehow missing something huge, but she couldn't quite put a finger on it. 

She had spent the rest of the day exploring the lodge to each extremity, carefully mapping the place out in her mind - a habit she picked up while working in her family store; they had to ensure everything was in their rightful place, to the point that even a small difference could easily be spotted. The place, in general, was not bad for wear at all, while not exactly a new structure, it was a decently sturdy wooden cabin. The logs were lined with a thick padding of insulation, which worked with the stone fireplace to give the entire place a warm, homey feel. The animal pelts and weapons were a little off-putting, but it was a reminder of safety over comfort. The kitchen was a complete different story. With modern styling, the beams were much sharper and refined than the rounded ones in the rest of the lodge. With marble counter tops, delicately carved cabinets, stainless steel refrigerator, an island with a sink, microwave fit above the full stove and oven set, complete with exhaust fan, cookie sheets and muffin tins, it looked like a kitchen in a normal house. It brought back busy weekend mornings before this all started, her entire family crowding into their kitchen and making massive brunches in a group effort to be good hosts to various relatives. Thinking back, she wondered why she never treasured those moments more. While tiring and time-consuming, those were some of her warmest memories, despite the less than pleasing conversations that occurred from time to time.  
  
This morning, she sat by her window after morning prayer, staring at the jeep under a black tarp, the one that had brought her here. She opted for skipping breakfast, since she did have some canned beans as a midnight snack. They had a surprisingly big stock of canned and preservable foods in the lodge, as if the original owner of the lodge had been prepared for a zombie apocalypse months in advance. That, or they had brought an entire section of Walmart home with them once word of the outbreak had reached them. Considering the road to the lodge, the former was more likely.  
  
A figure walking up to the jeep brought her out of her pondering. It was Eli, clearing the tarp of snow, before dragging it off the vehicle. Hauling a toolbox into the back, he grunted with effort as he slowly pushed the vehicle towards a snow-free area for more work. She was surprised he hadn't already finished repairs the day before. Perhaps there happened to be a big problem. The more she thought about it, the more she felt bad about causing him so much trouble. So as she watched him struggle with the jeep, she decided to shuck on her jeans, winter coat and boots, and rushed out the door to help.   
  
"Hey Eli, let me give you a hand!" she yelled, getting his attention with a smile.  
  
The harsh look on his face melted into a smile when he saw her. "Hey Gabriella, you look nice today."  
  
She blushed, although the compliment struck her as a little weird. She had been wearing the same clothes since the last time he saw her. She shrugged it off as him just being nice. She took her place beside him as he shuffled to the right to make space for her. With both of them in the back with no need for steering, it was much easier to push than on their way to the lodge. That gave them plenty of opportunities for idle chatter.  
  
"So what are you doing up so early in the morning?" Eli asked, looking Gabby directly in the eyes. She froze at the contact, looking away quickly and catching herself before the jeep left her supportless on frozen limbs.  
  
"Nothing really, I used to sleep really late and wake up really late, but I kicked that habit once there was no Internet to browse at night. I've also never been more tired in my life! Probably also why I sleep more. What about you? I thought you would have fixed the jeep by now." When she was met with a slight pause, she added, "Not that that's a problem or anything. I'm not commenting on your mechanic skills. Oh god, I hope I didn't offend you, I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I know my fair share about cars and they're not really that hard- I mean, it didn't seem like a big problem so- you know what, I'll just shut up and think before I speak," she ended with a giant huff of embarrassment.   
  
There was a small period of silence before Gabby heard chuckling from beside her. She threw Eli an incredulous look before he spoke up. "So that's what happens when I don't answer you right away, interesting, quite interesting indeed. You're brutally honest. I like that," he said with a smirk. "I got most of it done yesterday. I just didn't want to test it in the dark. There's still a few things that need tweaking, and it's best I don't fire up the engine and make it power through the snow at the same time just yet. And I guess I got up early because I wanted to get things done early so I could go over and finally meet the neighbours! My parents are a little uptight about strangers, so we never did go over and say hi, but since you're so nice, I convinced them to hold a little dinner for you guys tonight," he replied with a wink.  
  
"The group might like that, some social interaction might be good for all of us," she said in a distant tone, wondering if Sam would be ready for the world today. "Thank your parents for the invite in advance for us!" she said, snapping into a cheerful tone. They pulled the jeep back slightly to stop it from moving forward as they entered the area that was cleared for working.   
  
"You could thank them yourself." Eli stepped away from the vehicle with his signature perfect smile, hands splayed in a gesture of invitation. "D'you wanna come inside for breakfast? My mom was making eggs when I came out to prep."   
  
Gabby's eyes grew big at the mention of eggs. "You have eggs?! Hellz yeah, I want some!" she cried out a bit too eagerly, realizing her hands had somehow made their way to his shoulders, shaking the very soul out of him. She immediately let go of him at the realization, hands recoiling to wrap around each other near her chest. "I mean, if you guys are okay with sparing an egg," she mumbled in a sheepish voice.   
  
"Yeah, we get a few eggs a week. There are days that we don't get any, while other days we get two at a time. You can have mine for today." Gabby stared at him like he was insane.  
  
"Is there an egg god that I'm not aware of? Where are you getting all these eggs from?!" she yelled in disbelief.  
  
He gave another little chuckle before answering, "We have two hens at home, Clara and Snowball. Wanna meet them?"  
  
"Sure!" Gabby replied without hesitation. "Eggs..." she reveled in the prospect of eating _actual protein_ _that wasn't beans_. "Eggs! Do you know how long it's been since I've had eggs?" She found herself suddenly wrapped around a surprised Eli.  _Curses, have to work on thinking before I speak and act. This is awkward._ She let go of him with a nervous chuckle. "Sorry, got excited."   
  
"I'd guess it's been too long since you've had any proper food?" Eli said with an amused smile.  
  
"You have  _no idea_ _._ I could KISS you right now!" she declared before walking past him towards the front of the Aaronson's lodge, hiding her flustered embarrassment, silently cursing her inability to control her speech. But the truth was, she definitely would have planted one on him right then and there if she had the courage to. 

 

* * *

 

Inside the Aaronson's household, Gabby was greeted with the smell of scrambled eggs and fried SPAM. The Aaronsons had a lodge that was almost identical to theirs in layout, but theirs was much more homey, with decorations that looked like they had been there for years. Pictures of family and friends lined the walls and fireplace, and two hens ran around in a corner of the living room. Sat by the fireplace, a woman in her late forties held a sizzling pan of sliced SPAM over the fire, flipping them over one at a time with a spatula. She turned to face them when the door slammed shut with the force of the wind behind them. She had beach blonde hair with emerald green eyes, slightly dull in comparison to Eli's stunning blue, but contained bright excitement upon seeing the two in front of her.  
  
"Hello," she greeted with a little nod.   
  
"Hi!" Gabby said brightly, unsure if Eli was going to introduce her.  
  
"Mom, this is Gabriella Socratous," Eli started behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "We're going to go now," he announced while steering Gabby towards the kitchen.   
  
"Nice to meet you Mrs. Aaronson!" Gabby called out, looking back with a polite smile as she was shuffled away from the fireplace.  
  
"Nice to meet you too. Just call me Amanda!" Mrs. Aaronson called back with equal politeness, but not quite as much enthusiasm.  
  
"Okay Amanda!" Gabby replied with unfaltering enthusiasm, though she doubted she was still within earshot. Walking into the kitchen, she marveled at the spectacular display of a normal home kitchen from the before-days. The Aaronson kitchen was also furnished in a similar fashion to theirs, although the Aaronsons had a lot more cooking and serving utensils and silverware. There were curtains fastened around the windows as the rare rays of sunlight filtered through. In the short period of admiration, Eli had managed to change out of his winter attire, now standing in front of Gabby wearing a plaid button up, loose jeans, and a  _perfect_  smile. She contemplated whether or not to take her winter coat off, since she had only bothered to change out of her pajama pants, so her raggedy old T-shirt she used as pajamas was still under the coat. She decided to keep it on for now, to give his family a good first impression.  
  
Sat at the large mahogany dining table was a middle-aged male that looked to be a few years older than Amanda, with gray hair and thick glasses. He was occupied with a bunch of papers with incomprehensible scribbles running all over them as his pen continued the lifeline of the strange curves and formulas. He looked up when Eli cleared his throat. He had the same blue eyes that Eli had, but they were duller in colour, much like Amanda's.   
  
"Hey son. This is...?" he trailed off in a questioning tone, waving the pen in Gabby's direction.  
  
"This is Gabriella Socratous. She's the one I told you about," he said curtly.  
  
A knowing look came across the man's face as he smiled up at her. "Nice to meet you, Miss Socratous," he greeted quite formally.  
  
"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Aaronson. You can call me Gabby if you'd like," she suggested, a little unused to being called by her last name.   
  
"Gabby it is. Please take a seat, Amanda should be done with breakfast in a minute," he offered with a genuine smile before going back to his frantic scribbling.  
  
Gabby was overjoyed to find that the Aaronsons were all super nice people, just like Eli. _It'll be easy to sell the dinner to the group then. They shouldn't miss out on such wonderful neighbours! Plus, they're all food fiends who couldn't possibly pass up a chance for eggs! They're going to love everyone in the-_ her thoughts were interrupted by another body coming in the room. This man looked to be around the same age as Eli _._ With disheveled dark brown hair, frayed and dyed blue at the tips and thin framed glasses sat loosely on the tip of his nose, leaning slightly to the left, he was most definitely  _not_  a morning person. He yawned as he entered the room, showing off a set of teeth as white as Eli's.  _Why does everyone in this family have such nice dental hygiene?_  Gabby wondered absentmindedly.  
  
Before she could put on her best smile and introduce herself, he took off his glasses and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, asking, "Who's the chick in the heavy winter coat? Isn't she hot in that?"  
  
Eli turned to glare at him. "This is Gabriella, she's our guest," he gritted out.  
  
"Another stupid hook-up? Did you guys do it in the snow or something?" the guy started nonchalantly, putting his glasses back on while walking around the table past her. "I don't see why she would be in a coat at buttfuck early in the mor-"  
  
"Julian, that's enough." Mr. Aaronson had looked up from his papers to deliver a look almost as scathing as the one Eli was shooting at this "Julian".  
  
"What dad? She- " He was cut off once more by Gabby, who grabbed him by the wrist when he passed by, using him as a force to pull herself up to his level. She refused to be treated like some kind of prostitute.   
  
"Hey buddy, you got a problem with me?" she confronted with a confident tone and determined eyes. His eyes widened a little when he met hers, and he immediately looked away and shook her hand off of him.  
  
"No," he replied softly but bitterly.  
  
"Good," she said as she sat down, triumphantly smiling at Amanda, who had come into the kitchen with the pan of warmed SPAM.  _What a crazy slob, criticizing me on **my** appearance? Has he looked in the mirror at his morning style? It's funny how cowards crumble when you challenge their words. _  
  
"Don't mind Julian, he's just not a morning person. I promise he's really nice once he gets some food in him," Amanda mentioned while placing a plate of food in front of Julian, where he dug in without ever looking up at the two across from him. Eli just continued to scowl. _Doesn't seem like Eli thinks he's nicer at other time of the day_ , Gabby thought before digging into her own scrumptious plate of eggs and ham. 

 

* * *

 

The first thing that Clare noticed that morning was that it was  _really cold_. Burrowing herself further into her blanket, she debated whether getting up was even an option anymore. After half an hour of drifting in and out of sleep, then another half hour of arguing with herself, she inched off the bed. Wrapped tightly in her blanket, she looked for her thickest winter attire, stuffing herself in a large fuzzy parka (left behind from the previous owners of the lodge) and her old fur-lined boots. Walking out into the hallway, it was immediately evident why she was so cold.  _The front door was wide open_. Muttering under her breath, she went to close it. Being the one with the bedroom closest to the front door, she got the full brunt of the coldness that seeped through the doorway. As she shut the door, it occurred to her that someone may have broken in while they were sleeping. Immediately switched to panic mode, she was suddenly wide awake. She quietly tiptoed around the open living area, grabbing a hunting knife off the fireplace before heading into the kitchen.

Nothing looked like it had been touched or raided, to which she let out a breath of relief. She checked the food supply, and everything seemed to be in order. She went back to the hallway that led to the bedrooms and slowly tiptoed over to Gabby's room, hoping she would be up and willing to help her think through the situation. Knocking on the door twice, she opened it after there was no response at all. Gabby's room was empty, and her body froze.  _Holy shit. Where is Gabby? Did someone take her? Did she leave?_ She managed to drag her suddenly heavy feet across the room to the closet, not at all relieved to see all of Gabby's belongings still inside.  _They took her! I didn't even get to spend a few more days with her..._ _I... I... I didn't even get_ _to say goodbye.. Why? Why everyone who ever truly cares about me?_ _No. They can't take her. She can't be far. I need to go find her, I need to get her back. Who knows what'll happen to her? She still has to go back to her family! This can't be the end for her._ Clare straightened herself out, sniffling before knocking on the door next to Gabby's.   
  
"Bone, Iago, get up! Gabby's missing! We need to go find her!" She heard something about a burrito cocoon being mumbled before a thud sounded against the ground. She couldn't be bothered to wait as she went to knock on Sam's door, delivering the same message.   
  
Within minutes, they were all geared up and ready to go on a long search.   
  
"Okay so here's the plan," Sam began announcing, after she and Clare had a small discussion over the possible whereabouts of their friend. "We don't know how long ago we were raided, or if they had some ulterior motive, seeing as our supplies and food are completely untouched. It is likely that-"  
  
She was cut off by a jiggling of the front door handle, followed by a knock. She signalled for the others to hide behind the furniture in case she needed backup, before cautiously opening the door...  
  
"Oh thank goodness you guys are awake! I seem to have forgotten to bring the key with me when I left!" Gabby walked in with her normal cheerful smile, followed by the neighbour, Eli. He gave the group a small nod as they all got up from their hiding spots with mouths agape. "Don't be so surprised guys, I can get up early too. In fact, I just had breakfast over at the Aaronson's."   
  
"What? What?! What?!?!?!" Bone Saw yelled in disbelief, throwing his hands up in defeat and trudging back to his room to curl back into his blankets.  
  
"Welcome back, goodnight," Iago added with a yawn, before following Bone back to their room.

Sam, also mildly annoyed by the grand interruption, crossed her arms before dragging herself back to bed.  
  
"What is up with everyone?" Gabby asked, as Clare stood there with her mouth still wide open.  
  
"Gabby! You're okay! Thank God!!!" Clare cried before firmly enveloping her in a tight hug.   
  
Gabby helplessly looked to Eli for an answer, to which he only replied with a look just as confused as hers, with a hint of annoyance reminiscent of the other three occupants that were already fast asleep.

 

* * *

 

"A dinner?" Bone asked.  
  
"Yeah, you're invited. We have a few eggs saved up from the past week that my mom could hard boil for you. It's not much, but it's about the only variation we got," Eli explained.  
  
"Eggs?" everyone at the table asked almost simultaneously. Eli and Gabby gave them an affirmative nod.  
  
"Fuck yeah I'm in!" Sam piped up, eyes wide and stomach already grumbling at the thought.  
  
"Count us all in," Iago followed without hesitation, to which only Clare gave a slightly worried look.   
  
"Great," Eli said, leaning back in his chair and making himself  _very_ much at home.  
  
Clare nudged Gabby in the elbow, subtly pleading for her to come with her. Gabby nodded before turning back to the group. "Hey guys, I'm going to patch up some of my clothes... Clare, can you help me? If that's okay with you.." She started getting up from the table. Clare gave a quick 'Yeah' before following behind Gabby.   
  
"Get to know each other a bit, yeah?" Gabby prompted before disappearing into the hallway.  
  
Once they arrived in her bedroom, she immediately plopped onto her bed, patting the bedside and signalling for Clare to take a seat. "So what's up?"  
  
After a minute or so of contemplating, Clare finally decided on her words. "Do you... like Eli?"  
  
Feeling like a criminal caught in the act, Gabby froze with a hitch of breath. "No," she shrugged it off in an unconvincing tone of voice. It sounded so fake that it achieved a slightly comedic effect. It earned her a greatly skeptical look from Clare. "What? Why do you ask?"  
  
"I just don't really have a good feeling about him."  
  
"Why do you say that? What did he do?"  
  
"I don't know... It just feels really suffocating to be around him."  
  
"Maybe you like him too."  
  
"No, it's not a that good kind of suffocating. It seems like he's plotting something. Who still gives their eggs out for no reason at a time like this?"  
  
"It's real, I've had some! They really do have eggs; they have hens! It's probably easy for them to keep up their food stock with hens popping out eggs everyday."  
  
"I don't know, but be careful if you go out with him, yeah?"  
  
"Okay, okay I will," Gabby grumbled with a disapproving frown. "Can we actually mend some of my clothes though? I actually need to fix them really badly," she suggested in a brighter tone while peering down at her pajama t-shirt.

 

* * *

 

Sam was feeling all sorts of awkwardness sitting in the room with a complete stranger that was making inappropriate conversation with Iago. It had been half an hour since Gabby left the table and left them stranded with someone she didn't know beyond a name. She didn't understand what Gabby saw in the dude - he seemed to be a stereotypical jock, a total sleazebag in nice clothes, complete with defined muscles and practiced smirk. He quickly became buddy-buddy with everyone, and told many... _interesting_  stories like they were his long-lost friends. His stories were far from tasteful, or real sounding at that. They sounded like play by plays of MTV spring break specials, or the latest drama on trashy American reality television.   
  
"So I'm there with two chicks on my arm and they're both all over me, and my girlfriend comes back from the beach, soaking wet under a towel. I thought she was going to lose her shit, but she just tossed her towel away aggressively and joined in on the action. She was wearing this skimpy little number..." With a roll of the eyes, Sam let him drone on with his fifth story of his sexual escapades and violent conquerings since Gabby's exit. She wore an extremely forced smile, probably not the least bit sincere, if Bone Saw's constant swatting at her was any indication.  _This dude really had a lot of time to think up a persona, didn't he?_ Only Iago looked the least bit interested in Eli's stories, complimenting him at every instance of 'manly accomplishment'. "... the two girls were licking her up and down while she was shoving her face down my.. " Sam had an overwhelming urge to simultaneously puke and laugh. While it was as ridiculously amusing as some of the sex scenes she would come across in the fanfiction that she used to read all day, she did  _not_  need the mental image of Eli having sex, real or not. She certainly did not let her mind wonder what kind of porn the dude used to watch. She tried to block it out as best as she could, quietly humming a song to herself instead. "... Then I spread my cum all over their faces, which they then licked clean off each other. All in all.. Best. Angry. Sex. Ever." Eli put his hands up to emphasize the 'best ever-ness".   
  
Being officially done with Eli, Sam looked to Bone Saw for help, but noticed Iago's wandering hand near his thigh and a peculiar look upon his face.  _Oh gross. Gross gross grossss._ Being officially done with  _all of the guys_ , she excused herself from the table and ran to her room before the urge to vomit overtook all of her other processes. She could deal with stories of beating people to a bloody pulp, of literal shit, or even decapitated people. But she could  _not_  deal with more of these teenage boy fantasies. Hell, even Burnie's spit cup story was better than this. She wasn't sure what to expect at the Aaronson's dinner table, but she hoped it would be something that didn't make her want to give up on food forever. To say she wasn't looking forward to dinner was an  _extreme understatement_.

 

* * *

 

Sitting at the dining table, Sam was pleasantly surprised by the Aaronsons. The rest of Eli's family didn't seem to be as disconnected from reality as he was. Although, he had kept relatively quiet when they had entered the lodge. His father, Vincent Aaronson, had brought a stack of scientific notes into the kitchen as he joined them. His mother, Amanda Aaronson, had scolded him regarding distractions at the dinner table while bowls of freshly heated chicken noodle soup, along with a hard-boiled egg were set down on the table for each of the guests. Everyone in the group stared at the soup with a longing for warmth and a desperate hunger hidden beneath disbelief, almost completely sure that this was an illusion. There were questions running through each of their heads, but no one dared to ask. Eli's brother, Julian Aaronson, mumbled quietly about them stocking up on ingredients early in the apocalypse, answering the unasked. He seemed a little bothered by something, but no one questioned it.  
  
Before leaving their own lodge, Gabby had pulled the group aside to let them know that they should be nice to the Aaronsons, since the entire family seemed really nice, except perhaps Eli's younger brother, who was apparently quite negative. Sam scoffed at the thought of Eli being nice. They all agreed quite unenthusiastically while stepping out. When Sam walked by Eli, he gave her a small apology for his stories, along with a request, to which she only forcibly smiled as acknowledgement before walking away.  
  
After dinner, everyone had relocated to the living room, except for Vincent, who returned to his room to continue his nonsensical scribbling. While others lounged around the room, Sam opted to go visit the hens clucking quietly in the corner.  
  
"Hey henny," she cooed, just as she would to her kittens in the before-time. "Guess what? A few minutes ago, I consumed your brethren and unborn period children and they were  _delicious._ " she said with a bright smile and maniacalvillain voice. She heard a little snort and light chuckling from above her.   
  
"What? You got a problem?" Sam demanded with suspicious eyes. A pale male with glasses and brown and blue hair neatly swooped to one side stood in a dark, oversized hoodie and ratty jeans. Julian.  
  
"No, no. I just thought that was really funny, seems like you actually scared poor Snowball there," he explained, waving his hands towards her as if signalling to a suicide bomber to stay still so that he could get closer to defuse it. Although, it wasn't quite as effective since he looked about ready to roll around on the floor laughing. He knelt down next to her, petting one of the hens that did seem to look a little frightened.  
  
"Is that Snowball?"  
  
"Yupp."  
  
"What's the other's name?"  
  
"Clara."  
  
"Oh. I like Snowball better."   
  
Julian let out another light-hearted chuckle and ruffled the feathers on Snowball as a proud parent would a child. "Hear that, Snowball? You're a favourite! I bet she would eat you first."  
  
"Hey, I don't discriminate! All chicken are yummy, even those I know on a first name basis," Sam proclaimed in a joking manner, to which Snowball curled into a ball that looked quite similar to a snow ball. Sam finally knew how that name came about, considering Clara was a pretty normal name. 

  
"Clara needs some love too, Snowball," Julian explained patiently before moving to pet Clara.  
  
"Do you always talk to your animals?"  
  
"Yeah, the house is pretty scarce on entertainment these days."  
  
"I understand, believe me. It's cool. But what about your brother? He seems... creative." Julian flinched at the mention of his brother, his smile disappearing instantaneously.  
  
"We don't really... see eye to eye, so to say."  
  
"Would you be offended then, if I said he seems like a pretty big douche?"  
  
"Nah, I agree with you. 100 percent." Julian finally let out a sincere smile. "Nice to meet you, my name's Julian," he formally reintroduced with a hand outstretched. Sam took it, noticing a few red marks on his wrist as it poked out from under his hoodie sleeve. Julian noticed her line of vision and quickly yanked his hand away, covering it up instinctively.  
  
Sam didn't enjoy awkward moments much, so she didn't mention it. "Sam, nice to meet you too." Julian breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Thanks, you're pretty cool, Sam." He gave a small smile.  
  
"Don't mention it." Sam said before rejoining her friends on the couch by liberally sprawling out on their laps.  
  
"Stop it, we're guests!" Gabby exclaimed before pushing her off. The rest of the Aaronsons chuckled at the scene. Amanda mentioned that she loved the bonds within the group. She told them to act however they normally did, and Sam gladly took that as an order to get back on top of her friends. Normally, she would be much too embarrassed to behave like this in front of strangers, but something about this family spurred her on. On her way to impacting several knees, she caught a glance at Julian bent over Amanda's chair, covering his golden laugh with the sleeve of his hoodie, eyes smiling and unguarded while Amanda was also losing herself in the comedy of the situation.   
  
And in that moment, Sam decided that she liked half of the Aaronsons a lot. 

 

* * *

 

Everyone left the Aaronson's lodge around the time that the stars came out. The stars were dazzling bright compared to the ones they used to see in the city. Gabby stayed behind with Eli, sitting on the front steps, fiddling with her fingers.  
  
"Thanks for dinner," she started, looking at Eli, who was staring at the sky contemplatively.  
  
"Huh?" He snapped out of the stare before turning his attention to her. "Oh, no problem. Hard to come by amazing people now."

"Were my friends too weird for your family?"  
  
"No, they were cool. Though I think Sam-"  
  
"Oh! I'm sorry about her. She just doesn't know her limits, I knew that would have been inappropriate beh-"  
  
Eli laughed as he silenced her with a finger on her lips. "Let me finish! I think Sam doesn't like me much. I may have had a little too much fun introducing myself to them."  
  
"Oh? How did you introduce yourself?" Gabby perked up with curiousity.  
  
Eli smiled mysteriously. "You're just going to have to find out yourself. I ain't tellin' " 

Gabby gave him a gentle shove. "Asshole."  
  
"That's a remarkable asshole to you," Eli breathed in Gabby's face, having rebounded much closer from the shove. Gabby froze as she lost her ability to speak, drowning in the depths of his blue eyes as they searched hers. Their noses were uncomfortably close, and the more Gabby tried to focus her eyes, the more cross-eyed she felt.She tried to control how fast her heart was beating, brewing a pulsating storm within her body. There was no sound, only heavy breathing as they took in the situation, running over the conflicting feelings inside.  _ **He's a stranger, Gabby. What the fuck are you doing.**  But he's so pretty! Have you seen his eyes?  **I don't care, Gabby. Don't do it. You don't know him and he doesn't know you. He probably doesn't even like you, he's probably just thinking of a way out of this.**  But Gabby, _ _this is a picture perfect moment! This is just like in the movies, let me have my movie moment! **No, this isn't a movie. Nothing this good ever happens in real life. There's a catch, there always is.**_ _No, I'm going to be happy for once, I'm going to-_    
  
A door slamming from inside startled Eli into pulling away. Clearing his throat, he added, "That's what my theatre teacher told me once. Well, not exactly, she only called me a remarkable asshole, not the other parts, cause that would be a little self-defacing for a teacher."   
  
"That's not very nice," Gabby said aloud, not quite commenting on his theatre teacher.   
  
"Well I don-"   
  
"I think I should go get some sleep now," she declared unconvincingly, disappointment laced in her words.  
  
"Well I'll wal-"  
  
"It's okay," Gabby said, standing up and waving once with a bright smile. "Goodnight!" she yelled back as she ran for her lodge, not waiting for a reply at all.  
  
She didn't stop running until she reached the side of her bed, out of breath and panting. She dropped to her knees and bridged her arms on the bed for support, trying to calm down. Thoughts flickered through her head, angry, sad, self-deprecating ones full of self-loathing. They flooded her mind once again, attacking her while she was down. She tried to fight off the thoughts but they were overwhelming.  _Why didn't I take the chance? It would have just been a kiss... **But your first kiss**. Oh shut up. He's a nice guy and he's good looking, and I'm sure I would only like him more as I got to know him.  **Are you overthinking it?**  I don't know, am I? Does he just treat his friends like this? Are these not signs at all? I mean, if he liked me, he would have taken the chance, wouldn't he? He probably doesn't like me, why would anyone like _ _ **me**? I'm not pretty or smart, not witty or fit, he's probably just being nice to me, like the nice person he is. That's probably it...I wish I could be better, if I could just be given a chance to show them all that I could do. But what can I do? List the always wavering cent prices of dollar store merchandise? What good is that? All I've got is useless skills, how does _ _ **anyone**  like me?_

Gabby was reduced to a blubbering mess, hands shaking as they gripped the sheets tightly, tears dotting the floor as she refused to squeeze her eyes shut. She clasped her hands together tightly, hoping to God the pain and anger would subside as she uttered out a shaky prayer.  _Dear God, where is my happy ending? I've been waiting patiently for two decades now and I haven't even caught a glimpse of it. What am I doing wrong? Please, just give me a sign that You're listening. You've been watching over me for so long, I don't know if I can continue to believe that You just happened not to hear any of my wishes for this. So please, give me a sign. Let me know when my happy ending is on its way, and grant me the strength to chase after this dream, just this once. Because I really like him. I've never felt this way about anyone else. I've always wished that I could find someone to love that loves me back, romantically, unconditionally. And I really want it to be him... I think I know what to do now. I just need a change of scenery, maybe. Thank You. Amen._  
  
Looking up with renewed purpose, though without much more energy than when she had started the prayer, she slipped out of her room with tears painting various streaks across the canvas of her face. She went to the kitchen quietly, zeroing on a knife stand before pulling out a small, sharp knife.   
  
"Perfect," she whispered as she smiled with a delusional grimness.  
  
At that moment, a star moved across the sky, leaving a slightly pink streak in the night sky. Then hundreds of others followed behind it, as if the night sky was crying. 


	7. Tell Me What You Get When Love And Change Intertwine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is super short, it's all I have so far... It'll be added to plenty when the re-editing process finishes.

Zoe was huddled up next to Sam in bed, watching her face for any traces of pain. Ever since the night Sam conversed with her directly, she seemed to be sleeping better, her face always quite peaceful in nature. She felt an empathetic peace wash over her as she sighed and turned to face the ceiling. Being a part of Sam's life again was nice, but she felt trapped by her own silence. Sure, she could talk all she wanted to Sam, but she couldn't hear her like Elisa could.  _I guess this is what Elisa felt like, conversing with me.._  She shook the thoughts from her head when she heard the shuffling of footsteps in the hallway outside. She immediately flew over to see who it could have been at this late in the night. 

She spotted Gabby, trudging slowly into the kitchen with a broken expression that she had never seen on her before. There was no happiness, nor was there anger, just an overwhelming amount of calm and resoluteness with glistening trails traveling down her cheeks. She stopped before the knife stand, fingers brushing over all the handles before firmly grasping the small knife at the very bottom. Zoe's eyes widened in fear as a bone-chilling smile crept up on Gabby's face, before she let out a sharp 'perfect' into the empty space in front of her. And like so, Gabby made her way back to her bedroom.  _What are you doing, Gabby?_ Zoe wondered worriedly as she followed closely behind. 

Back in her room, Gabby put the knife down on the bedside table before dragging a chair over to it, then retrieving a small mirror she carried in her winter jacket pocket. Flipping it open so it could stand on its own, she sat and stared at herself for a good five minutes. Zoe held her breath as Gabby picked up the small knife again, aiming close to her face, but quickly let it out when she saw the first few locks of hair fall. It had started slow, but soon, Gabby moved all of her hair to one side and gave it a straight chop, causing her hair to stagger in length when she let go of it. With a renewed smile and patience, she returned to fixing her hair a few locks at a time. By the time morning came, she was almost finished with the cut. And Zoe had to give her credit, she made the hair look very nice on herself. The hair was slightly shorter than shoulder length, framing her face as wild curls spilled onto her cheeks like a fancy border. 

Once satisfied, Gabby left the knife, the mirror and the hair where they were, simply opting to climb in bed for some  _actual_ sleep. Small speckles of hair trailed behind her, and she admired the artistic quality of them before bidding her old life goodbye. 

"Here's to a new start," she whispered with a smile, before nodding off to sleep, finally giving into her eyelids' urges to just close for a while.

 

* * *

 

Morning came far too soon for Gabriella Socratous. Yawning while she sat up, she gave her arms a little stretch. Feeling a slight chill around her neck, she reached both hands up to cover up with her hair, only to realize that it wasn't there. Slowly, the night before came back to her. Spotting the hair trail, she jumped out of bed and sat in front of the small mirror again, admiring her work in the new light of morning. She gave a semi-confident smile before getting up and clearing the hair from the bedside table, chair and bed. After cleaning most of the hair off of the floor, she ran to the shower, hoping everyone else was still asleep. As she turned the water on, she relaxed under the spray. It had been a mystery to her, how the house still had running water. But she didn't question it much, since the lodge seemed to be designed with self-sustainability in mind. Though a little cold, she was still grateful for access to enough water to rinse herself completely clean (something she hadn't been able to achieve since about the third week in). 

After stepping from the shower, Gabby remained wrapped in a towel while she stared at herself long and hard in the mirror. The reflection somehow looked nothing like her, and it pleased her. She stared intently at her eyes, glimmering in the low light of the Alaskan morning, wondering how deep the colour really went. Her usually dark brown irises were a gentle amber, like an endless pot of honey. She liked this new her, she shined of a confidence that kept her mouth grinning wide. 

At the breakfast table, only Clare was awake early enough to eat with Gabby. She had complimented the hair enthusiastically, rambling on about how she always wanted to try shorter hair, but her parents wouldn't let her. Gabby was only half listening, thinking about the night before. She could still feel the way his breath ghosted upon her nose and dispersed to warm her cheeks more than they already were. She could still see the blue of his eyes graying in the dark night, darting around, searching frantically for something in her eyes. She could still feel the sudden stop and start of her heart, both when his eyes met hers, and when he pulled away just as abruptly. Then, thinking back to the conversation that led to it all, she realized that she never found out how he introduced himself to her friends.

"Hey, how did Eli introduce himself to you yesterday?" Gabby suddenly asked out loud, cutting Clare off mid-sentence. 

"He didn't really, you did," Clare replied with a confused expression.

"No I mean, after I left with you to..." she trailed off, realizing that Clare had been with her the whole time the "in-depth introductions" were going on. "Nevermind." 

As if on cue, the rest of the gang stumbled sleepily into the kitchen. Mumbled mornings were thrown their way before Iago let out a surprised yell. 

"Ah! A stranger! Who are you?" He pointed a finger menacingly at Gabby, although it was clear that he was just acting. Sam looked up from staring at her feet as she dragged her blanket around with her, shivering slightly before hiding further into the heat of the fluffy comforter. She gave Gabby a nice smile before complimenting her new hair, everyone ignoring Iago's initial reaction. Gabby accepted it with a genuine smile, really feeling the positivity of the change of hair. 

"Yeah I agree, it looks great," Bone added. 

"Thanks." Gabby felt her smile grow a little more from the support of her friends. She then remembered what she was talking about before the others came in. She decided to try and ask Sam, since Eli seemed to mind her reaction most - she'd probably tell her the truth.

She walked up to Sam, who held her blanket tightly against herself with one hand, while the other propped the fridge door open, a head lost deep in the fridge, looking for food.

 

* * *

 

Sam was sick of eating beans. The dinner at the Aaronson's did little to satisfy her craving for some  _real_ food. In fact, it had made the craving worse. She searched in the fridge for things to help her make a better concoction for breakfast than just plain beans. While the fridge was mostly filled with half-used bottles of condiments, she never gave up hope that she could make some combination into a wonderful seasoning to cover the now bland taste of beans.

She startled a little when she felt a hand on her shoulder through the decently thick blanket, hitting her head on one of the fridge shelves. She cursed under her breath before pulling out to glare at the person who inflicted such pain upon her. Seeing Gabby's concerned and apologetic face made her give up on that plan quite quickly. 

"Sorry," Gabby squeaked when she had turned around fully.

"It's fine," Sam brushed off. "What's up?" She figured Gabby probably had something to tell her.  _Unless she wants some condiments to go with the air she's having for breakfast._

"I just... Well I was wondering... " Sam waited expectantly as Gabby stuttered, trying to find the right words, or even just the words she had used with Clare. There was just something about Sam that made her extremely flustered every time she spoke seriously to her. "I was... I was wondering if well, how Eli introduced himself to you after I left?" 

Sam felt the tension drop away as she laughed. She was just about to launch into a long explanation about the piece of work Gabby had chosen to be friends with, but the conversation she had with Eli yesterday flashed to the forefront of her thoughts. It made her angry beyond belief, and she felt the need to let it be known. "He's kind of a fucking asshole, like who walks in here and just plops down on the couch like he owns the fu-" She watched Gabby's nervous expression melt away to disappointment. 

"-cking place... but I guess he's not  _that_  bad," Sam completed, with a small smile on her face, wondering if she had been too harsh. "Can I ask you a question then?"

"Yeah... " Gabby said, looking a little less forlorn.

"Do you like him?" Sam noticed that Gabby's face immediately flushed with a darker shade of red.  _I'll take that as a yes then._

"No! Of course not! I don't even know him yet!"  _Definitely a yes._

"Yet," Sam smirked, putting extra emphasis on the word. It also left her conflicted about her answer. On the one hand, she wanted Gabby to be happy,  _truly happy_ , and Eli seemed to supply happiness for Gabby. On the other hand, she still wasn't sure about the guy. He rubbed her the wrong way, but that could just be to do with the first impression, which he _did_  apologize for. But the way he seemed to carefully word his private conversation made her a little suspicious. Yet his family members all seemed super nice, so maybe it was just her initial bias that was painting his every action in a menacing colour. 

Sam made to leave after realizing she had no ideas for any seasonings just yet. But she stopped, turning her head back to Gabby and said, "All in all, Eli seems like an okay guy. He certainly isn't some social guru, so I guess he tripped over his own feet trying to be cool. Don't worry, I'll try to judge him less." She walked off with a smirk, leaving Gabby standing there, a little dumbfounded and very relieved.


End file.
